danmanning.com - editorial page

Don Imus is in trouble for calling the Rutgers women's basketball team a bunch of "nappy-headed-hos". Okay. Imus is an idiot, we all get it. I love seeing this dude squirm, and I hope he gets fired.

But what boggles my mind is this: People listen to Don Imus? Who in the hell is tuning into this pickled crypt-keeper windbag anyway? I am amazed anyone heard him say anything about anybody. People still listen to this ancient mummified ass-clown?

I don’t care that JonBenet Ramsey’s killer, creepazoid John Mark Karr has been flown to Colorado. I quote:

The child beauty queen's beaten and strangled body was found Dec. 26, 1996, in the basement of her family's Boulder home.

I don’t think it’s particularly important that Karr was

dressed in a red shirt and dark pants, had his hands cuffed in front of him and his feet shackled. He was escorted to a black sport-utility vehicle, which brought him into Boulder and to the Boulder County Jail.

Also not really news:

The plane touched down at Jefferson County Airport, between Denver and Boulder, at 4:58 p.m. (6:58 p.m. ET). It departed Long Beach, California, several hours earlier.

I am equally unimpressed that

she had suffered a blow to the head and been strangled with a garrote tightened with a paintbrush handle.

Ya know, lots and lots of people have been killed since 1996.

There’s a bunch of brown-skinned Iraqi little girls getting killed every friggin’ day, and I think I can almost pinpoint where the killer is . . . Hmmmmm . . . My spider senses tell me he was a former cheerleader who skipped Vietnam to go AWOL from cushy duty in Texas, yes . . . the Psychic Friends tell me that an irresponsible, former drunk, mentally lazy slacker billionaire son of a billionaire son is responsible for the deaths of hundreds or even thousands of brown-skinned little girls who will never get to be in a beauty pageant because they're dead.

If only we could find the real person responsible for all these deaths, so you, CNN.com can tell us what he’s wearing and when his plane touches down . . . but that isn’t important, because all those little Iraqi girls had brown skin and brown eyes and lived in another country. Nope, stick with telling us every stupid detail about one single blue-eyed blonde beauty that was killed in a basement ten years ago.

Yeah, that’s way more important than what’s going on right now.

Thanks NASA for wasting billions so you can be "excited" and "thrilled" about your next "mission" into space to do nothing. Hey NASA, stop wasting my tax money. All you do is go on joy rides and do stupid lab experiments that contribute nothing. Didn't you guys see the movie Apollo 13 ? Nobody gave a shit then, and nobody gives a shit now.

Why don't you put all that brain power into alternative fuel you narcissistic jackasses? That would be useful. Unless you can make a video game or a reality show out of this, you're not going to inspire kids to do squat.

I hate the news media. One ONE blue eyed blond goes missing in Aruba. Who in the HELL gets to go to Aruba just for finishing High School? Rich People people. One Blue Eyed Blond Rich Girl goes missing and I'm supposed to give a rip? It's the same as the Runaway Bride New Sensation that was gripping the nation. I DON'T CARE. North Korea is sitting on Nukes, there's a humanitarian crisis is Africa, the NeoCon Cult is taking over the country, the Trade Deficit is through the roof and threatening to collapse on all of our heads, GM is about to go under, Mexicans are dying ever day trying to get over here to work for nothing, and we worry about ONE RICH KID who screwed up and is probably a sex slave in Columbia right now. I'm sorry to hear that rich people can't keep track of their kids, but how many non-rich kids go missing every day? (Please stop reading for a moment while i google that) Hm . . . according to this site, around 2000 kids go missing every day. Why does blondie get to use the entire US Media as her Own Private Milk Carton. How bout putting some black or non-republican kids on there you ignorant media fucks?

This feeding tube thing is getting annoying. Can you imagine yourself in that position, kept alive against your will by a grandstanding congress? The government is now making medical decisions for its citizens. Nice. What's next?

I don’t give a damn about the Iraqi people. I don’t think anybody else does either, but we’ve been told that we care, so here we are, cheering on a people who never rose up on their own to shake off oppression. A culture that wouldn’t give women rights unless forced to. A culture that’s had thousands of years to get their “stuff” together and never have.

The “president” doesn’t care about the Iraqi people either. He may tell himself he does in the wee hours of the night. I can imagine him staring up at the royal bedroom ceiling at night, repeating the mantra that keeps him going: “freedom is on the march . . . the Iraqi people . . . freedom is on the march . . .”

That is, if he has a thought in that addled brain of his. He’s probably rationalized the whole shebang and actually believes his own lies. Lies he had to make up to cover for the failed lies before that, as in:

"It's a person who claims he has no weapons of mass destruction, in order to escape the dictums of the U.N. Security Council and the United Nations -- but he's got them. See, he'll lie. He'll deceive us. And he'll use them." Which he said in October of 2002 about Saddam.

Now we don’t hear much about WMDs from the White House. We hear about Freedom. We hear about Iraq being a model for other Middle Eastern countries. But not much about WMDs, which was his bill of sale for sending our troops over there to get blown up.

Such a brave and courageous leader. Just like he was in Vietnam. No, wait a minute . . .

The justices are deliberating putting 16 and 17 year old killers to death. I say fry those fuckers. There are millions and millions of kids who DON'T murder anyone. Those who do are killers, and they need to be snuffed out. It's as simple as that.

"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly as necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else. "

- Theodore Roosevelt, on criticizing President Wilson during WWI - May 7th, 1918 - Kansas City Star

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) --Authorities arrested the mother of a 17-year-old boy who saw his picture on a missing children's Web site and discovered that he was allegedly abducted from Canada 14 years ago.

Acting on a Canadian-issued warrant, U.S. marshals arrested Giselle-Marie Goudreault, 45, at her home in the San Fernando Valley. She was being held without bail until Canadian authorities can extradite her on child abduction charges, authorities said.

Goudreault "was shocked and very emotional" during the February 11 arrest, said Jimell Griffin, a deputy U.S. Marshall in Los Angeles. The boy's father had custody of his son, and Griffin said Goudreault did not return him after a court-ordered visit.

The teen, whose identity was not released, was immediately put in a foster home.

The boy spotted his own photo, taken when he was 3, on a Canadian missing children's Web site a few months ago and told a teacher about it, authorities said. The teacher contacted police, who then confirmed the story with Canadian authorities.

Griffin said although it was Goudreault's son who initiated contact with authorities, the youth was upset at his mother's arrest and tried to comfort her while she was being led away.

Goudreault initially took her son to live in Mexico, authorities said, and she moved to the Los Angeles area in 1995. She has been remarried twice.

"They were taking her child away and she did what she had to do," Melissa Goudreault, her sister-in-law, said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press on Tuesday from her home in Red Deer, Alberta. "The family is behind her and is trying to raise money for her legal defense."

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Okay you dumb-asses, let me settle this Passion of The Christ "issue" once and for all.

Just when I think people couldn't get stupider, they make another non-issue into a big freakin' deal. I'm talking about Mel Gibson's movie, The Passion of The Christ, which opens February 25th. Okay, let me go over the non-issue that everbody's getting their yarmulkes in a wad about. It seems that some people think that this movie (which, I believe, will suck) is going to somehow make people anti-Semetic.

You don't just start hating people over a movie. Especially a movie made by Mad Max.

Let's face it. The Jews killed Christ, but they didn't really have a choice did they? I mean, if Jesus was the Son of God, then he was only Crucified because he wanted to be crucified. I mean, he could have, at any moment, broke bad and called the entire thing off, and like Neo in the movie The Matrix, opened up a can of Heavenly Whooop-ass on everybody.

He could have flown through the air, or shot laser-beams out of his eyes, or dropped a miraculous atomic bomb on the whole area, while, crouching at the ready, projected a super-miraculous egg-shaped force field of protection around himself and his followers.

Could he not have, if he had chosen, called down angels flying F-15 fighters to straffe the area, killing any Jew, Roman, or Judas Iscarate that crossed him? Of course. He was the son of God. If George W. Bush, with Father's help, can get into the National Guard to keep his ass from getting blown off in Vietnam, then Jesus H. Christ, with his Father's help, could have handled a bunch of Jews and Romans who didn't even have automatic weapons.

So don't worry Jews, anyone with half a brain knows that that whole unpleasant scene with the skinny guy bleeding on the cross isn't your fault. It was pre-ordained and all that religious gobbldy-gook. It didn't have to be the Jews. It could have been the Teamsters, or the '69 Mets, or the Kid Rock's posse. God was calling the shots, and he's the one who picked the extras for that entire Drama, which, if you think about it, doesn't make a bit of sense.

So, unless you're a moron, don't blame the Jews for killing Christ, cause they were doing their part to fufil the will of God, which at times seems pretty sick.

How in the HELL did GW's record in Vietnam make it into the public debate? Some rich kid gets a free ticket out of the meat grinder? That's news? Everybody knows rich people get all the breaks, it's been true since men were trading goats in Mesopotamia. George Bush and his family of oil billionaires aren't going to let one of their own get shot in some dumb land war in Asia. Who would? What family, poor or otherwise, wouldn't have tried to get their own kid out of Vietnam knowing what we know today? Does that mean he's fit (or not) to run the country? Hell no. It doesn't matter. Who brought this crap up anyway? Why don't they just point out the fact he traded away Sammy Sosa when he owned the Rangers. Now THAT is a relevant topic for debate.

And Martha Stewart: Just make her pay a fine and get on to other business. How bout rounding up all those Enron crooks and putting them on display? Some interior decorator gets a call from her broker and saves a few thousand dollars? Big F**king deal.

Please, waste our tax dollars on some more goofy stuff. Don't even get me started on this Mars bullshit. Why don't they spend that money and try to find life in the economy, instead of some ball of dust out in space.

Janet Jackson's boobie wasn't as impressive as I thought it might be. It's too bad that these "entertainers" have to do dumb shit on national television. What the hell was that? I'm glad my kids were out of the room. At least the game was a nailbiter.

There are a lot of more important issues than Janet's mamalia* gland. There's Ricin at the Senate offices, Arabs trying to hijack US bound planes overseas, WMDs, or the lack thereof, and this friggin' president, who wants to spend money on going to mars. Going to Mars? Is he out of his mind? How bout scrapping that dumb project and putting the money toward this Gazzilion dollar deficit he's running up. What happened to Republicans standing for smaller government and less spending? I don't know who I'm going to vote for this year. I was going to vote for Bush, even though he's not the sharpest guy in the world, until he came up with this Illegal Alien Freebie program. Why in the HELL should my tax money go to some Mexican's healthcare when I don't have healthcare myself? F**K THAT!

I don't know what's dumber: Janet Jackson's halftime peep-show, or George Bush's bizzaro platform. Mars? Healthcare for Mexico? WMD bait and switch? I'm sorry, I used to be republican, but this clown is making it hard to keep the faith.