danmanning.com ~ 2004 blog

THUMBS: Well, it's the end of the year. Big friggin' deal. I think oposable thumbs are what separate us from the animals. And that's it. There is nothing else. Oh, I hear you, "But Dan, What about monkeys? They have opposable thumbs." Well, screw monkeys. They're stupid.

Well, Mother Nature sure is a Bitch ain't she? The Tsunami makes 911 look like a picnic. If Allah was behind 911, who was behind the Tsunami? God? Mother Nature? The good news is we'll have to be in Iraq for years before we can match the Tsunami in pointless death and misery.

By the way, if you haven't given to the relief effort yet, you better. Your Karma (or whatever) depends on it. I mean, if you don't give now, you're a selfish bastard (or bast-ette).

Went to a Griffins game last night, they lost to Cincinnatti. My brother-in-law Tony was up from Tennessee. It was a nice visit. The kids went sledding, and they went to Pando to go snow-tubing.

Well, it's 12:30 AM and I just finished putting the fooseball table together. Santa will get the credit. Bastard. Well, Merry Friggin' Christmas!

(2:20PM) -the kids still haven't gone down to the playroom. They still don't know there's a fooseball table in their house!

(2:28 PM) -The entire town has been thrown back into the dark ages. Nothing is open. Not a six-pack to be found. Anywhere. I'm going out to find a store open. Somewhere.

"No beer sales on Christmas," the cashier girl said. She sounded a little too snooty.

"It's a state law," the other cashier girl said, obviously pleased to be able to tell somebody, anybody "no."

Luckily, the godless, heathen Chinese place was open, and I got a Jack and Coke before returning to the house empty-handed. Next year, I stock up.

Today I'm loading Linux on a frankenbox

to see what happens. So far so good; i'm getting the video driver situation under control. But otherwise, it's pretty sweet.

~This weekend didn't amount to much. I finished a short story. I've polished that turd as much as I can, and now I'm ready to send it out, like a teenage son that is a huge disappointment. I don't have much faith in it, but I'm sending the bastard out into the world anyway.

~The other night I dreamed I was watching football with Eisenhower. We just kind of sat there and watched football. Didn't have much to say. He offered me a beer somewhere in there, and I said, "Thank you Mr. President." And no, nothing weird happened you sick folks out there.

The Lions ALMOST won a game this week , but lost in spectacular fashion. A kick to tie with 8 seconds left, and the long-snapper flubbed the snap. We lost by one friggin' point.

I get thousands of emails every day asking the same question: What did you have for lunch today? Today I had two pieces of pizza, two Red Bull energy drinks, and an expresso. At three pm.

Had a weird morning. My first appointment was at an apartment. I showed up at nine. I'm standing in the hallway (the place was a townhouse type development) and I knock on the door.

I got a call from a vendor on the cell phone, so I walked down the hall and took the call. A few minutes later, I knocked on the door again.

So I left. I'm driving to my next appointment. There's a Budweiser truck trying to turn, and you know how on an eighteen-wheeler the back tires sometimes cut the curb a little? This one cut the curb--and took out a stoplight.

So I go to my next appointment and make some money. Then I'm driving downtown when I get a call. "I'm so sorry. I lost track of time and I was taking an oatmeal bath . ." It's the guy from my 9 am appointment. Oatmeal bath? What the hell is that? I rescheduled for Thursday. I hope it isnt' like Silence of the Lambs or something.

The light bulb burned out in my office. Now I have three things to do: Watch football, drink beer, change lightbulb. Uh, so much to do today . . . gotta run!

later that evening . . . Got a kid you need to buy a present for? I suggest Bulls Eye Ball. Savannah got it at a Christmas party, and we've all been playing it.

Christmas shopping: done! / Halo2: started. / My short story: last draft half-finished. / Christmas party: attended!

I'm so depressed. This morning I read about the guy who wrote those children's books, A Series of Unfortunate Events. He's only 34, he's got degrees in literature, and knows people. He had a guest column on Slate and there he writes things like this:

I first pitched the idea to my pal and now editor Susan Rich, over sidecars at a small dark bar.

I don't know any editors. And what's a sidecar at a bar? I have an uphill battle here. Grand Rapids is not New York, which seems to be the publishing center of the universe.

Deb says I have to stop cussing on this page, so I replaced the word "f**k" with the word "f**k" and the word "b--tch" with the word "b--tch". Hope that makes everybody feel better. Today I fixed a few things, but I didn't fix them all.

I'm going to be working on my story, and my book, so I'm going to be f**king busy for awhile. It's coffee and cheeze-its tonight, I have to get some work done.

D*ck Clark had a stroke today, which means his deal with the Devil seems to have fallen through. I thought maybe he'd found the fountain of youth or something.

Yesterday I was driving down Leonard Street (and I had to pee) when traffic ahead of me came to a stop. There was some black kid just YELLING at at somebody a few cars ahead in the line of stopped cars. Some older woman was out of her car, and walking toward the black kid. I saw some fresh snow on the street up there next to the old woman's mini-van.(other than that, the snow had all melted from the street,) I realized that the black kid had thrown a snowball and hit the old woman's car, and she was getting out to confront the black kid.

The black kid is yelling more and more at the old lady, and my only thought was "Get back in your car you stupid b--tch, gotta take a piss." The lady thought better of getting out and "scolding" the black kid, who was a teenager, and she finally got back in her car. Stupid b--tch. I really had to pee.

Otherwise, I got nuthin. No, wait: I saw this at cnn.com. It's getting f**king bad when they're stealing coffins because the demand is so high: click here.

Again, I got nothing. Um, let me see, I worked on a convenience store security camera system today. I fixed some guy's email for him. That's about it. I ran today. I've been backsliding (They got some killer oatmeal stout beer at Founders brewery) but I'm on track again with the whole working out thing. I didn't backslide that much.

i am this close {} to giving up writing. I like the idea of being a rich famous writer, but there is only one problem: I suck! Typing fast does not a writer make. I was so looking forward to those millions, and offending a lot of people, but alas no. I have no talent. Oh shattered dreams! Why? Why? Bwa ha ha boo hoo.

Well, today I just worked. Nothing to report really, so here's the Men Without Hats hit from 1983, Safety Dance!

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y
Safe, dance!

[Spoken]
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance

[Sung]
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance
Dancée!

We can go when we want to
The night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
And surprise 'em with the victory cry
Say, we can act if want to
If we don't nobody will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile

[Refrain]
I say, we can dance, we can dance
Everything out of control
We can dance, we can dance
We're doing it from wall to wall
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody takin' the cha-a-a-ance

Safety dance
Is it safe to dance
Is it safe to dance

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y
Safe, dance!

We can dance if we want to
We've got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything'll work out right
I say, we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine

[Refrain]

Is it safe to dance, oh is it safe to dance [6x]
Is it safe to dance

After calling Comcast six or seven times about splotchy Internet service, and even one angry call this evening, I finally realize it wasn't Comcast's fault: A muskrat or something ate half-way through the cable on the outside of the house. I'm so embarrassed.

Saturday, November 27, 2004: I finished Halo today, and while I have a misplaced sense of "accomplishment" I also have a profound sense of loss. Now that I've gone through Halo, I have to wait until Christmas for Halo2 because I have hinted* that I want Halo2 for Christmas. Woe is me! Whatever shall I do to fill the lonely winter hours? Oh sure, I could read a book, or do some fix-up jobs around the house, or donate some time to charitable causes, or become involved with the community, but screw that, I just want to sit on the couch play Xbox. Preferably while drinking.

* by hint, I mean I came out and announced: "I no longer want Seinfeld on DVD, I want Halo 2. That's what I want, Halo 2."

Monday, November 22, 2004: First: we at danmanning.com have agreed with the US Government to freeze all uranium enrichment programs. Second: I did not throw the chair at the Piston's game. Third--No, there's no third. I wanna talk about the basketball brawl. So friggin' what? People are getting their heads blown off every day in Iraq (for nothing) and people are worried about a fist-fight at a basketball game? Whaaa. Big deal. A lot of people might say, "If anyone threw a drink on me, I'd kick their ass." So this guy goes into the crowd to kick somebody's ass, and it's on film, and you see it. Saying "kick some ass" sounds a lot cooler than it actually is. Some guy actually follows through and tries to kick somebody's ass, and everybody's shocked. They all look like morons. Well what do you think an ass-kicking looks like? It's ugly, but it's nothing compared to those civilians over in Iraq. Those people are getting killed. A bunch of jerk-offs at a basketball game get into a riot and people think its a big deal.

I saw a kid at Denny's win on one of those water-tank charity things where you put the coin in the slot and try to have it hit a little target in the water? I saw a kid win that this morning.

I was driving up 131 when Ted Nugent's Wango Tango song came on the radio. I was speeding.

Turns out whoever was yelling "f**k you" last night (see yesterday's post) was teenagers. They kicked down part of my neighbor's fence. That's just wrong.

Who's yelling "f**k you!", in my neighborhood at 4 AM? Not me, I assure you. But I'm awake, and I'm laying in bed looking up at the ceiling, worried about nothing more than, When am I going to pick up some more Tylonol PM? which is an important question, because I'm officially hooked. We were out of TPM last night, so I wake up at 3:55 AM and I'm looking at the ceiling and I hear somebody say "f**k you!" somewhere down the street. I think I heard it anyway. They sounded annoyed, whoever they were.

Of course, like the nosey neighbor Mrs. Kravits from Bewitched (1964-1972) I peeked out the window to see what drunk was out at 4 in the morning. Now it's 4:19. After spending twenty minutes finding all about bewitched for the stupid picture above, I'm ready for bed again. Check out this f**ked up site: harpiesbizarre.com I'll bet they could use some TPM. Who has time to research all that stuff?

Tuesday, November 16, 2004: If you are reading this, it's a f**king miracle, because my cable internet has been up and down so many times in the last few days, I'm going insane. Otherwise, I've been keeping busy. Got new cell phones for Deb and I yesterday. Called Consumer's Energy to get them to clear the branches away from the power lines so we can have the giant pine tree removed.

Sunday, November 14, 2004: Today I played x-box, watched football, worked on my children's story (which isn't too damn good I'm afraid) did some laundry, built a fire, read, and that's about it. So, without anything else to report, here are the lyrics to Blue Oyster Cult's "Godzilla," released in 1977 on the "Spectres" album:

With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound
He pulls the spitting high tension wires down

Helpless people on a subway train
Scream bug-eyed as he looks in on them

He picks up a bus and he throws it back down
As he wades through the buildings toward the center of town

Oh no, they say he抯 got to go
Go go godzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes tokyo
Go go godzilla, yeah

Rinji news o moshiagemasu!
Rinji news o moshiagemasu!
Godzilla ga ginza hoomen e mukatte imasu!
Daishkyu hinan shite kudasai!
Daishkyu hinan shite kudasai!

Oh no, they say he抯 got to go
Go go godzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes tokyo
Go go godzilla, yeah

History shows again and again
How nature points up the folly of men
Godzilla!

Thursday, November 11, 2004: Much work today. Parent teacher's conferences. I'm a Veteran, so it's veteran's day. Nice. No mail, banks closed, what the f**k? Why do all the civilians slack off? I say if you never served in the military, you should have to work. You slackers.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004: Yesterday I fixed a laptop that the "geeks" at Best Buy wouldn't even touch. They told the lady that they couldn't fix the network connector in a Dell laptop. "It's hardware, and it's Dell hardware," they said (paraphrased, I actually wasn't there). She called me and I fixed it. Those corporate pussies.

Today I put in some good hours, played xbox, jogged (with the dog), jogged again (with my oldest daughter) and played some more xbox. Is Arafat dead yet? Who knows.

Sunday, November 07, 2004: Today we saw the "The Incredibles" movie, and it was incredible. Great movie. Yesterday I went to a LAN party, where we played Raven Shield, an army shoot-em-up game. I'm not very good at it, but I had a great time.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004: What the f**k is wrong with you people? <-my post-election rant is over. May God bless the United States of America, cause we need it now more than ever.

Well, now that the intelligent political analysis is over with, lets talk about ME. The cat had to go to the vet, and it cost a lot of money. My Internet connection was down all day. Deb and I had lunch at a nice resturant, the Blue Water Cafe, and then we rented a hot-tub. My children's book is almost done, and I'll be a millionair soon.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004: Today I voted. Not only did I vote, but I helped my fellow American's vote as well. I got there about 7:30. I was in line about fifteen minutes, and there were twenty people in front of me. There were five electronic voting booths. There must have been some glare on the screens, so one of the pole workers went behind the machines to put some cardboard poster-board over the booths to keep the glare out. As he stepped back to his place by the table, the other poll worker said. "It's down. Everything's down." You could see everybody in line start to shift around, and people started mumbling, and the poor poll worker said, "The machines are down, we just lost everything." They called on a cell phone. "There are people standing by for this kind of thing, they should be here in about fifteen minutes.

I knew what was up. Being the LORD OF TECHNOLOGY that I am, I yelled out, "Is it plugged in?"

They went back there, and lo and behold, they guy had unplugged the whole system with his foot when he was putting up the glare screens. They plugged it back in and we all got to vote. Nobody was "disenfranchised".

Monday, November 01, 2004: Thanks Barry, for sending me this video. This video shows that when it's your time to go, there's no avoiding it. Or, it shows that sometimes, you can have really, really bad luck.

Sunday, October 31, 2004: Watching Lions/Cowboys game. Handed out treats last night. Here's what the girl's looked like:

The girls made a good candy haul. Otherwise, nothing new going on.

Saturday, October 30, 2004: ran 3 miles. Twisted my ankle but finished. Barry called, we talked about the government. It was windy as hell today. Otherwise, I got nuthin'.

Thursday, October 28, 2004: The World Series is over. What a night. A historic World Series, a lunar eclipse, and Cheezits. Nice. Otherwise, I got nothing to report, but I can't wait to vote and watch the vote debacle to follow.

I hope its a landslide so those lawyers can go home and leave us voters alone, but it's not going to happen. I think if it's close, it's going to be 2000 all over again.

Thursday, October 28, 2004/12:58PM: I saw a dog get fixed--you know, FIXED--while working on a computer at an animal hospital. Literally, he had a full package, and then he didn't. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same.

I saw three window-washers over ten floors up dangling from ropes. I saw a police man arriving at a house to issue a summons or something. I saw some "street people." I got three pieces of junk mail from the G.O.P.

Thursday, October 28, 2004/6:31PM: WHAT IS PROPOSAL 1??? WHAT THE F^%$# IS IT??? Would somebody please email me and let me know? Our hot governer Jennifer Granholm keeps telling me to vote no. I'm mesmerized, so I'll probably vote no.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 : My car smells like ass. Anyone got any suggestions (and no, I can't stop farting in the car, sometimes ya just gotta.) to get the funk smell out of my car? Please email me at danmanning@comcast.net .

Monday, October 25, 2004 4:31 PM :

I'm transmitting these words to you from the Manning Estate front veranda (porch). It's a fantastic 68 degrees. I raked a few pine needles, but I needed to take a break and enjoy the weather, and now I have a Miller Light in a tall glass and I'm listening to the distant sounds of a leaf-blower somewhere off in the distance, and enjoying the fall colors. 4:42 PM Now I have duel lawn mowers going a few houses down. But man, those eleven minutes of relative quiet were nice.

20.24.04-Sunday:

Today I took the kids to Robbinette's for a hay ride and pumkin-shopping. Alex's pumkin was so thick-skinned that I had to use a power-drill to get started cutting it. Never seen one like that before. I ran 3.2 miles this morning, and operated the vacuum cleaner.

10.21.04 -Thursday: This guy in a pickup just cut me off in traffic today, so I got up beside him and flipped him the bird, right in his face. Then he did a "fist punching" thing, like he wanted to fight, and he pulled in my lane again, and I flipped him off, but he never pulled over, which was a good thing, cause he looked kind of small and I would have completely f**ked him up and probably landed in jail. Otherwise, it was a pretty uneventful day. But Jesus Christ I wanted to kill that little f**ker. Do I sound angry? I hope that didn't come off as angry. Night!

Today I: shared a printer, delivered a NT workstation in mint condition, and fixed a comcast problem the comcast guy couldn't even fix. Because, I am the Lord of Technology*

10.17.04-Sunday. Yesterday was rain, a trip to Caledonia, video games, a little writing, a gateway reformat, and beer. Today will be football and beer. Maybe a run.

Last night I tried and failed to sit through that third Matrix movie. Jesus Christ what a piece of shit. I wish thaty had just stayed with the one movie. Sequels suck. (except Star Wars, and maybe the second Alien movie)

11:08-later that morning: I ran 3.5 miles. I bought an MP3 player and put a bunch of fast songs on it, and I ran faster. Nice.

5:07-Friggin' Lions lost. Oh well. I have some amazingly bad gas right now. I wish you could be here to share it with me. I know the family isn't appreciating it. I stepped outside a couple of times.

10.14.04-Thursday: bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

10.11.04-Monday: First off, I'd like to send a shout out to all the Chris Reeve fans out there. I thought it was so cool when he ran around the earth real fast and made time go backwards. If he hadn't been paralyzed right after 911, he could have undone the whole WTC thing and we could have skipped all this madness. If the Prez had allowed stem-cell research, Chris Reeve's time-traveling/Superman powers might have been used to fight terrorism. He could have flown over Afganistan and used his x-ray vision to bring Osama B. to justice. Now what will we do?

Today I fixed network printing with firewall/sharing entanglements. Then I jetted across town to fix switch-reset networking issues. I am the New Lord of Technology. Word.

I ran two miles today and visited the library. I beat savannah at a skins game at the pebble beach (on XBox. duh!)

Tonight, there is Monday Night Football, with the sultry tones of John Madden to explain everything. "BOOM! HE GOT PENETRATION!"

Thanks so much for checking in a danmanning.com. And now, I'll leave you with a quote from the late, great Chris Reeve: "At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable."

10.10.04-Sunday: Lions win! / cat-box cleaned out! / leaves raked! / beer drank! / corn-chips ate! / storage room straightened up! (sort of) / halloween costumes purchased! / web-site updated!

10.08.04-Friday: Could somebody call me Saturday and remind me to clean the cat box? Thanks.

Today I went to open the door to an office I had work in, and five german shepard sized dogs trotted out, as calm as could be, and walked down the hall. I was at an animal hospital. Then I fixed a computer for a trucking company. Now, the cell phone is off. A1 is closed for the weekend. Ah. Nice.

10.07.04-Thu(1708) the house passed an anti-spyware bill this week. That is good and bad. Good for consumers, if it works, and bad for me, because a good portion of my calls are for spyware removal. Oh-well, can't stop changes.

(2127) Today I couldn't get anything to work. I wasted a lot of time, but got the job done hooking up some crazy dos-1930s era software at this animal hospital. There was a dog barking non-stop, it was even getting to the people who worked at the place. The place smelled like animals, which was good, cause I kind of had some gas.

Then I got an easy call from a woman who's mouse didn't work. I pulled the plug out of the back of the computer, and all the pins were bent. She had two other mouses (mice?) and the pins in the connectors were all squashed down.

10.04.04-Mon: 2131 Today I performed surgery on a laptop computer, and found the lights didn't work because of a loose connection. I was admired by all. I donated a computer to the humane society, for an auction that will take place on the 23rd. I did it for free publicity. And the tax write-off. And I like animals. I guess.

Otherwise, the day has been uneventful, and that's okay, cause it's Monday. I weigh 205 pounds.

10.02.040-Sat: (1100) Savannah scored her first goal in soccer today. We won 6-2. It was the first chilly day this season. I shipped a computer fed-ex this morning. I'm working on a children's story, which i hope won't suck.

10.01.04-Fri: (0732)-The lady at D&W in the morning is so annoying. She's a complete b--tch. I go in there to get stuff for breakfast after working out, and she's never behind the register, she's condesending (she's a checker, I haven't had the nerve to remind her of that) and I hate* her . There. I said it. I am a little, pathetic man.

*hate is a strong word. Maybe I should just drive a few extra blocks to 711 and stop whining??

09.30.04-Thu: (2315)-Watched the debate. Nice to see Bush get his ass handed to him. The guy looked like the little, squinty-eyed bastard that he really is. "Iraq is hard work" he says. That guy hasn't worked a day in his life.

The National Guard sent me a postcard. Says I would make a great soldier. Said I could visit a website, with my very own name on it and see what it was all about. They didn't give me an address to write back a simple "f**k YOU" to, but if they did, I'd send a letter that said, "f**k YOU !" and nothing else.

News out of Iraq is breaking my friggin' heart. I guess the army was handing out candy to a bunch of kids at a ribbon cutting ceremony, and a car bomb blew up and kill 35 kids. Here's an idea for the geniuses in the Army: Don't draw crowds of kids in a war zone you f**king morons. Jesus Christ.

On the home front, I ran three miles, did a security check on a network at an embroidery place, internviewed at a vet (animal hospital) place, and assistant-coached soccer.

09.26.04-Sun: Took Deb to the Detroit Marriott at the Renaissance Center this weekend for our 10th anniversary. We left the kids at grandma's house, where they were spoiled.

(1813) I ran one full hour today. Through Provin trails with some killer hills. I probably could have run further, but I had to catch the news.

09.24.04-Fri: Tenth anniversary. Gifts and cards purchased. Saw the biggest afro ever driving home from mall. Bought gift from one-armed jewlery store lady.

Slow day today. Played Xbox and made postcards for advertisements. Deb and I celebrate our 10th annyversary tomorrow. We're going to Detroit this weekend. Otherwise, not much is up.

09.01.04-Wed: Well, Sunday the Fridge broke, and tonight I discover the upstairs toilet leaking (slowly, but what a pain in the ass.) Had to gut the toilet cause of a seal in there. I actually uttered this phrase: "No, I can't read you a story, the toilet's leaking!" and later: "But a toilet isn't a dog's leg."

--------------------------
Here's something you don't want to have to look up in the phone book: colonic irrigation. Yike!

--------------------------

08.29.04-Sun: Took the kids to Michigan Adventure Friday, then attended an open house where I drank too much. Spent Saturday hung-over and this morning I ran two miles, sweating out the poison.

08.27.04-Fri: XP Service Pack 2 installed with no ill effects . . . except . . . my fingertips go numb after typing on the keyboard for more than five minutes. Also, I keep hearing that song, Seasons In The Sun over and over in my head. But othewise, the computer itself is working fine. Except . . . it's calling me. Calling me over and over. I must . . . buy . . . shares of Microsoft. Must buy . . . Arg! Can't type anymore.

08.23.04-Mon: My special Olympic memories: When Kerri Walsh pats Misty May's bikini-clad behind after every good play during Women's Beach Volleyball. Those were special moments. I could watch that all day.

08.17.04-Wed:Yesterday our golf got rained out yesterday, figures I was having one of the greatest rounds in the universe. Oh well. Today I worked.

08.16.04-Mon: It's official: Beer adds pounds. I was 206 Friday, now I'm back up to 210 despite working out Saturday, biking 8 miles and a 2 hour canoe trip where I did all the #($@! rowing.

Yesterday we got Savannah a new bike. Then we rode 4 miles from Belmont to Rockford. Then we took a canoe trip (2 hrs rowing), then we had to ride 4 more miles back to Belmont.

08.15.04-Sun: <Ah, breaker one-nine, this here's the Rubber Duck. You got a copy on me.
Pigpen? C'mon.>
<Ah, yeah, ten-four, Pigpen, for sure, for sure. By golly, it's clean clear to
Flagtown. C'mon.>
<Yeah, that's a big ten-four there, Pigpen. Yeah, we definitely got the front door,
good buddy. Mercy's sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy>

It was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
And a Kenworth pullin' logs
Cab-over Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin' hogs
We's headin' for bear on Eye-one-oh
'bout a mile outta Shakeytown
I says "Pigpen, this here's Rubber Duck"
"And I'm about to put the hammer down"

('cause we got a little ole convoy rockin' thru the night)
(Yeah, we got a little ole convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?)
(Come on and join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna get in our way)
(We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the USA)
(Convoy)

<Ah, breaker, Pigpen, this here's Duck 'n' you wanna back off them hogs?>
<Ah, ten-four>
<About 5 mile or so>
<Ten roger>
<Them hogs is gettin' INtense up here.>

By the time we got into Tulsa-town we had 85 trucks in all
But they's a roadblock up on the cloverleaf
And them bears 's wall-to-wall
Yeah, them smokeys 's thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear in the air
I says "Callin' all trucks, this here's the Duck"
"We about to go a-huntin' bear"

('cause we got a great big convoy rockin' thru the night)
(Yeah, we got a great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?)
(Come on and join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna get in our way)
(We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the USA)
(Convoy)

<Ah, you wanna give me a ten-nine on that, Pigpen? Negatory, Pigpen, you're still
too close. Yeah, them hogs is startin' to close up my sinuses. Mercy's sake, you
better back off another ten>

Well, we rolled up Interstate Forty-Four
Like a rocket-sled on rails
We tore up all of our swindle sheets
And left 'em settin' on the scales
By the time we hit that "Chi-town"
Them bears was a-gettin smart
They brought up some reinforcements
>From the "Illinoise" National Guard

There's armored cars and tanks and jeeps
'n' rigs of ev'ry size
Yeah, them chicken coops was full of bears
And choppers filled the skies
Well, we shot the line, we went for broke
With a thousand screamin' trucks
And eleven long-haired friends of Jesus
In a chartreuse microbus

<Ah, Rubber Duck, this 's Sodbuster. C'mon here>
<Yeah, ten-four, Sodbuster. Listen, ya wanna put that microbus in behind that
<suicide-jockey?>
<Yeah, he's haulin' dynamite and he needs all the help he can get>

Well, we laid a strip for the Jersey Shore
Prepared to cross the line
I could see the bridge was lined with bears
But I didn't have a doggone dime
I says "Pigpen, this here's the Rubber Duck"
"We just ain't a-gonna pay no toll"
So we crashed the gate doin' ninety-eight
I says "let them truckers roll, ten-four"

('cause we got a mighty convoy rockin' thru the night)
(Yeah, we got a mighty convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?)
(Come on and join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna get in our way)
(We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the USA)
(Convoy)

<Ah, ten-four, Pigpen. What's your twenty? OMAHA? Well, they oughta know
what to do with them hogs out there, for sure. Well, mercy's sakes, good buddy,
we gonna back on outta here, so keep your thumbs off your glass and the bears
off your厖..tail. We'll catch you on the flip-flop. This here's the Rubber Duck on
the side. We gone. 'bye, 'bye>

08.12.04-Thursday: It's official: I don't give a damn about the olympics. I'm dan manning, and I approve this message.

08.11.04-Wednesday: My experiment with making salsa using the cuisinart went horribly wrong this evening. I have to stick to using a knife. The girls discovered that if you put two tennis balls in your shirt, it looks like you have boobs. If you put them under your pants over your butt-cheeks, it looks like you have a bubble-butt. If you put them in your sleeves, it looks like you have muscles. They must be the first kids in the world to think of that.

08.08.04-Sunday: I took Alexandria to the Children's Museum. We had a good time. We cut down some bushes in front of the house. I went golfing @ Grand Rapids Golf Club with Jay, Brian, and John. I golfed really bad, but had a good time.

I finished another story and I'm sending it out tomorrow. This one, I think, is going to get published.

08.07.04 I ordered a cord of wood yesterday. I didn't actually know how much firewood that was.

That's about all I did. It's Mark's birthday today, happy birthday and all that.

Yesterday there was a little get-together @ Founders, had a few beers, and that was a good thing.

I've been working out, and the other day I reported that I weighed 206lbs. I was WRONG. The scale at the gym has Kg and Lbs on the same scale, and I misread the last digit. i really weighted 210. But NOW I weigh 207. Why watch your own weight when you can watch mine?

I took the girls to a Whitecaps game last night, and they sat through all nine innings, and they had a great time.

I weigh 206 lbs. ~ I voted electronically today, and I got a sticker that says: "I voted electronically" ~ I'm writing another short story ~

07.31.04 Sat-Behold, my latest reject slip from a SF magazine this one has some encouraging words:

The girls lost one of my saved X-Box games. I am so pissed. It takes so little to ruin my day . . . boo hoo . . .

07.27.04 Bad as this sounds, I think maybe they should pepper spray people who talk on cell phones at the movies, just like what happened in this AP story:

Pair Arrested At Theater

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. -- A college student who took a cell phone call from her mother in a movie theater was pepper sprayed by an officer and charged with disorderly conduct, along with her boyfriend.

Warronnica Harris, 23, was at the Muvico theater at BayWalk Saturday night, watching the opening credits to Catwoman when her cell phone rang.

"It was my mom calling me," Harris said. "It was a family emergency."

Harris said she spoke so quietly that her mother couldn't hear her. Then Officer John Douglas shone a flashlight in her eyes.

He asked Harris and her boyfriend, Terrell "KC" Tolson, 25, to leave. He pushed Harris in the hallway, then pepper sprayed both of them in the lobby, the couple said. Neither Harris nor Tolson has a criminal record.

Police denied their account, saying Harris refused to end her cell phone conversation, yelled at the Douglas and refused to leave the theater. Her boyfriend also refused to leave and threatened the officer, police said.

Witnesses said the pair did nothing wrong.

Marcia Gray, a 49-year-old Tampa accountant, was in the lobby when the couple were pepper sprayed.

"The man turned and asked the officer why he was making them leave and the cop just maced him in the face," Gray said. "They weren't yelling or touching him. The man bent over and the girl asked why he maced her boyfriend. Then the cop maced her, and she dropped her soda."

07.24.04-Sat: Joined a gym today. Lifted weights. I will not be a fat ass, at least, not yet.

Shock Collar Success Story: Dog tried to run at people walking in road. Came back yelping. Didn't try to chase people again.

07.12.04-Mon: As of ~ 3.00 PM this afternoon, I am officially on vacation. This afternoon I "Pre-golfed" for next week's golf, which I will miss. I got a 57. Uhg. Then I got a 47.

I bought a digital camera finally, so you will soon be seeing lots of pics on this website.

07.11.04-Sun: Cleaned out the garage. Yesterday I worked. This morning I worked. This afternoon: Beer and Hot Wings, Cleaning Out the Garage. It was hot out.

"Sniff," Savannah gutted her first computer today. She was taking a network card out of it, and I almost teared up for a second.

Saw Spiderman 2 last night. It was good, but there were some sloooow parts in it. Luckily, Kirsten Dunst was in most of those scenes.

07.08.04-Thu: Even with the fake holiday Monday, it looks like I'm gonna make payroll. Had a job in Calidonia, where they need to get DSL already. Dropped off one machine and picked up another one just down the street for a reformat. Phone isn't ringing much, but it is ringing.

07.07.04-Wed: This morning was interesting. I was going to sign up for this business networking thing, but they misplaced a sheet of paper with my credit card information and I got real mad.

I was really really mad. But now I'm not. But I'm not going to join that group. I called the credit card place and put a notice on the account. The guy from India at the credit card call center was really nice. Maybe outsourcing will bring all the nations of the world together, by linking indebted Americans to underpaid Indians!

I moved a gigantic printer across an office today, and now my back hurts. Not too bad. It was a really big printer.

Played UNO this evening. Did you know, you have to say "UNO" before you put down the second to last card? I though you had to say it before you put down the last card!

07.06.04-Tue: I don't usually watch Regis, but my new secret girlfriend, Maria Sharapova was on. I didn't get any work yesterday because this country is filled with slackers. The 4th was SUNDAY, but everybody wants another day off. Slackers.

John Kerry picked a VP today. Hate to say it, but he could have picked a Monkey, I still wouldn't be able to vote for GWB. I'm not a liberal, but I can't stand for an incompetent President. I wish the Republicans would run someone against GWB. Then I'd vote Republican. I'm not sure if I'm voting for the Lesser of Two Evils, or the Lesser of Two Lessers. Kerry is almost as big a tool as GWB.

07.04.04-

Happy Birthday America! It's the Fourth, and it's raining. But that's okay, cause it's 9:53 in the morning. I feel better today, I stayed off the sauce and took it easy. Yesterday we got a portable DVD player to use in the van, cause we're going to Kansas on the 14th! I'll have to get a replacement for my golf league.

Yesterday I took the kids to Fred Meijer Gardens. They have a new kids area that is pretty fun for the youngsters. I told the lady they had sharp corners on a drink cart they had next to this water display. It was just the right height to jam into some toddler's skull if the kids slipped. I'm such a paranoid worry-wart when it comes to those things.

I'm writing again, (don't let this blog be an example, this is crap) and I suppose hope springs eternal, because my "serious" writing is crap too. But its getting better(?)

07.03.04-Sat: Wassup? I played golf in the Firehouse Scramble yesterday, and after that, I got stinking drunk on Tequila! Yea! Luckily, thanks to technicians at Alka-Seltzer labratories, I don't have a hangover.

This weekend I'm going to play video games, drink and shoot off fireworks! Yea!

06.26.04-Sat: Today, I, Dan Manning, bought an X-Box. Now I can enjoy mind-numbing video games for years to come! We hired a sitter, and Deb and I went out to eat this evening. It was nice to get away from the kids for once. Otherwise, I puttered around the house all day, doing nothing.

I'm still thinking about that damn movie I saw yesterday. Uh. I shouldn't have seen it.

06.25.04-Fri: Went to see Fahrenheit 911 today. If even one-fourth of what was in that film was true, I'm totally depressed. What to believe in anymore? I don't even know what to think anymore. I didn't before I saw this movie, and it only re-inforced what I was already thinking. The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Last night we went with the girls to their last night of summer bible school. It was a good time. We went to Joe's and were locked out of his house. Then we went to this commercial printing place and I got a tour of the facility. That was pretty cool.

My writing, as usual, sucks. I'm about to give up I think. I can't come up with an origional thought to save my life.

06.20.04-Sun: Father's Day. I got a new shirt and a car-wash kit. The girls made me breakfast in bed. Yes! I washed the car and van, fixed the sprinkler system, redid the connection on the cable for the playroom television, and changed the filter in the air-conditioner. I took a nap on the hammok and we went for a walk.

Why is it that every TV adaptation of a Stephen King book sucks ass? Salem's Lot on TNT is horrible.

06.19.04-Sat: I was in the paper yesterday. My fabulous golf swing is in the Friday's GR press. Check it out! I mowed the lawn yesterday, took a nap, and, um, that's about it. Watched Last Samurai, it was okay, not great, but okay.

I finished burying the radio-controlled dog-shock collar line. Now it's time for testing~ (later that evening . . .) Okay, don't turn the juice all the way up on a puppy. The dog yelped so loud and long, I'm glad the neighbors didn't call the cops. I guess I'll turn down the juice and wait till the dog's a little older. Yipe YIPE YIPE YIPE YIPE!!!

The girls got back from Flint okay, and I'm glad, cause I missed them, even when they were only gone a day. I would go crazy by myself.

Another beheading: I'm sorry, but after the first beheading, the following beheadings somehow lose their shock value. Okay, we get the point, you terrorists are sick, evil, worthless fucks. But it's getting monotonous already. After killing 3000 people in one shot, cutting off a few heads isn't as impressive as you might think, you worthless Arab towelhead pieces of shit. We should nuke the whole area and call it good.

06.18.04-Fri: Bubba Ho-Tep. Elvis and JFK vs. a Mummy. Got to see it to believe it. Today I spilled my coffee. Luckily, everybody in the coffee shop had cleared out, or I would have been embarrassed. Yesterday I played pool and had some beers with some folks I know. I got a bunch of equipment and I'm gutting it for parts.

Deb and the girls are going to her mother's house to visit overnight. Whoo-hoo! I got the place to myself. Yard work and beer. Big time plans eh? I have to finish the dog-collar radio project. I'll test it today. They're taking the dog so it looks like I'm getting shocked to op-check the radio-collar thang.

06.16.04-Wed: PISTONS WIN. Thanks Jay for the hospitality, we stopped by after golf and watched the basketball game. Jay and Molly have a new baby, Megan, and she is cute. I got no other news right now.

Yesterday I shot a 49 at Ironwood Golf Course. Today is a complete yawner. Worked, did some yard work, and avoided all beer.

06.14.05-Mon: Another sign of the impending apocalypse: President Bush was nice to President Clinton today.(read story) I didn't know that could actually happen. Maybe there is hope in this world . . . Naw, what am I saying?

On the Home Front: I'm almost done putting the wire around the estate for the radio-collar thang for the dog. I'm hoping she's calm and doesn't get shocked too often. I cleaned out the garage, sort of, and I think I'm going to shave off my goatee . I had two calls today and I have another in the morning.

Go Pistons. I'm still on the Pistons bandwagon. I sure hope they close it out tomorrow.

06.13.04-Sun: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Terry Nichols spared death because of jailhouse conversion to Christianity?? (read story) Couldn't they just inject his sorry ass while he's holding a bible?? The Al-Qaeda terrorists believe in their religion. They're the believingest motherfuckers on the planet. Are we going to cut them slack because they believe in Allah? This bucket-headed dumb-ass jury spared this pathetic terrorist the death penalty because he talks to God? Hey! I believe in God, I can get away with anything! People, for the most part, are stupid. God help us all.

06.12.04-Sat: Finally. Finally they put that poor wrinkled up old man in the ground. It's sick they would put so much attention on the death of one guy who's had Alzheimer's for over a decade and didn't even know what was going on when he died, while young guys who are otherwise in good shape, many of whom are married with little kids, are getting shot up because George W. Bush is a jackass. It's sick. They should have a week-long television broadcast for every man or woman who gets shot up in George's little fucked up war. Let's see, last time I checked, it was around 950 dead. That's 950 weeks of whispering commentary by radio news channels about draped flags and crying widows. That a little more than 18 years of nothing but straight funeral broadcasts. If the four major networks divided up the work, we could be done with it in a little less than 4.5 years. That is, of course, if no one else gets killed.

GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME*
The White House, USA

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

06.11.04-Fri: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Review: Pretty damn good. The best Harry Potter movies so far. (Hey, stop laughing. I got kids.)

06.10.04-Thu: Dog Collars: Feels like Saturday. Didn't get any calls, and I managed to accomplish nothing today. I did buy a radio-shock collar for our unsuspecting dog. There's a training routine you do with the dog so she'll know not to go out of the yard without getting shocked. I'm going to put it on my arm and see what it feels like, just to see. I'll report on that as soon as I get it installed, which might be this weekend, unless I get distracted or something.

Let Reagan Rest Already: How bad do you think it's getting in that coffin? I hope they stuck some air-fresheners up there to make sure it doesn't get stinky.

Curse of The Blues Brothers Movie: Ray Charles, R.I.P. The curse of The Blues Brothers movie continues to take our great national talents. First Belushi, now Ray Charles. When will the carnage end? What is the secret of the Curse of The Blues Brothers Movie??

06.09.04-Wed: Ron Reagan is getting around more now then he did when he was alive. He finally gets out of the house for awhile. Would somebody bury that old coot already?

06.07.06-Mon: Okay, okay already. We get it. Reagan isn't getting any deader. Jesus, can we give it a rest already? The guy had alzheimer's for ten years. It's not like we didn't know it was coming. I don't need the networks and newspapers reminding me to "Remember Reagan" every five friggin' minutes. He had alzheimers. I don't. I remember already, now shut the F*** up!

Okay, on the home front: Savannah's softball team beat the Red Team, and their hated coach. This Jackass bent the rules to win last game. He teaches his players to ROLL the ball to the base if they're close in order to get outs. What a TOTAL JACKASS. Anyway, we beat them 20 to 21, and isn't it pathetic how much I wanted the win. The girls were just out there having a good time. I, however, am sick. I did keep my mouth shut and put on a "good sport" disposition, even though I wanted to jump up and down and yell, "GO TEACH BOWLING LOSER!" but I didn't. I think I need help.

The Pistons beat LA! Ha ha! And yes, for the record, I just jumped on the bandwagon. I haven't even watched an NBA game until last night. At least I'm honest about it.

06.06.05-Sun: Yesterday we got a dog. I swear it was harder than adopting a kid from China or something. We had to give references and sign forms and all that, and it wasn't cheap. And this is for a mutt. However, her name is Ginger, and I love her already. I fought for years to keep from getting a dog, and already I've not only accepted my fate, I'm happy with it. I told the girls over and over "I'm not picking up dog poop, you wanted the dog, you're going to clean up after it." But of course this morning I was on turd patrol.

My former boss died yesterday. I worked for Ron from 1986 until he left office in 1989. I never actually met the man, but together, he and I helped win the Cold War. Thanks Ron for the great run defending the country.

I watched the Belmont yesterday, and Smarty Jones got beat. The crowd deflated with the horse. Even the winning jockey apologized for taking the triple crown from Smarty. Ha Ha ha!

06.02.04-Wed: I golfed a personal best 43 yesterday. I ran today. I have only this to impart on the world.: I challenge George Lucas to remaster Star Wars Episode I and to dub Sean Connery's voice over Jar-Jar Bink's voice. I could actually sit through it if he did that.

05.30.04-Sun: Memorial Day Weekend probably won't be too memorial this year. Today we went to Long Lake, but it was too cold to swim and we didn't stay very long. I mowed the lawn. I think I'm going to go purchase some beer and get drunk. Happy Holidays!

05.26.04-Wed: Savannah did great in softball, but the other coach kind of CHEATED! and they lost by one run. t I'm guilty of yelling at the other coach, but only once, and then I shut up. That guy was bending the rules, and I'm getting all worked up over a second grade t-ball game. I never thought it could happen. I'm keeping my mouth shut from now on. The guy was crooked though, I asked the umps after the game, and they even said the guy was wrong. What the hell am I telling you people for? Okay, I'm PATHETIC, I know. I'll stop whining now.

Dan Manning, amature golfer, tried golfing without beer Tuesday with horrible results. "I can't hit the ball," Manning was heard saying three holes into the 9 hole round he plays every Tuesday. "I'm not loose. I can't concentrate," he was heard complaining as he shook his head and put a club back in his bag in disgust. "Next week we drink beers," Manning muttered to his partner in disgust, as he marked an 8 down on the 7th round.

No all joking aside, I can't golf without a couple of beers. Isn't that pathetic?

Could somebody PLEASE tell me why they sell FULLSCREEN versions of anything on DVD? I accidently picked up the fullscreen version of Lord of The Rings, and I was about to slit my wrists.

05.24.04-Mon: Hey Now! Today I was driving to a job, and on the way there I saw a four foot tall headstone, fashioned from cardboard, and covered with a plastic sheet to keep it from melting in the rain. It said: "MARY: R.I.P" and there was a date on it. Please, if anyone reading this is around when I pass on, DO NOT memorialize me in this cheesy, pathetic, hillbilly fashion. I mean Jesus Christ! Who comes up with this crap?

I got another reject from Space and Time magazine, but I got a doozy to send as a follow up. Look for my bestselling novel to be on shelves, oh, i don't know, in about ten years?

05.20.04-Thu: Hello again. This is Dan Manning transmitting from the crib ya'all. I posted the Snoop-Dogg translator so ya-all can get your fizzinznitz on, ya know what I'm sayin'?

Savannah had two softball games this week, they won Monday and lost Wednesday. She's made some pretty good stops on defense and hit some good ones off the tee. I golfed Tuesday.

Sunday was Alex's Birthday (6) and it was a treasure hunt theme. We had twenty(20) kids at tha crib, you know what I'm sayin'? It was a mad house aw-aiit?

I got this video capture jank I'm gonna hook up to the cypherin' machine and see about getting the home VCR tapes over to DVD for the 21st century.

05.13.04-Thu: Well, I scoured the web and finally tracked down the video of the guy getting his head cut off, and I kind of wish I hadn't. It's the most gruesome thing I think I've ever seen since 9/11. I only hope they catch these pigs and give them the same treatment, but we won't cause we're not like that. This whole world is going crazy.

On a lighter note . . . I'm keeping busy with work. I'm on a golf league (Thanks again Brian!) and I parred the last hole this week. You see, the secret is to swing my driver like my pitching wedge. If I can do that, I can hit the fairway off the tee oh, I don't know, three, maybe four times out of nine.

05.06.04-Thu: Savannah did the River Bank Run (Jr.) last night. She ran a full mile around this track without stopping. She was so proud, and so was I. Her teacher was also there to and was cheering her on. Tonight she had her first softball game. Her team, the YellowJackets, won. It's 5 innings with a 5 run limit per inning.

I had my first golf-leauge round Tuesday. Man that was fun. Thanks to Brian for inviting me to be on the team. I parred TWO holes in a row and hit the fairway from the tee more than 3 times. (That's good for me, in case you were wondering.)

04.30.04-Fri: I think one of the hardest things to do in my job is eat Tacos while driving. Not only is it challenging physically, it's also a mental challenge to justify putting other people's lives at stake to eat less than two dollars worth of food.

It looks like some of our soldiers have gone ahead and tortured some prisoners. Jesus Christ. I feel bad for the next US soldiers who get caught by the enemy. They're fucked.

Thanks Barry for sending me the secret of Real Ultimate Power. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

04.25.04-Sun: I keep a "to-do" list in my email program, complete with due dates. I keep moving the dates back so I can still put things off. Today I'm supposed to clean out the garage. I don't know. I don't really want to clean out the garage. Yesterday I got the movie "Creepshow" at K-Mart for 6 bucks.

04.24.04-Sat: Savannah had her softball pictures. It was cold. The girls went to see some girl movie.

04.23.04-Fri: Alex showed me a picture she drew of her imaginary friend. Then she told me that her imaginary friend got cancer. "Why'd you give her cancer?" I asked. "Oh, that really happened," was her answer. It was a slow day so I thought I'd take her to Fred Meijer Gardens. I stopped at Starbucks. While we were going in, I told Alex that I needed to get some caffein. She said that they talked about cafein in school, and "too much cafein makes you drunk."

04.21.04-Wed: There were ~55 people killed in Iraq today. I'm reading the news, and I also see that a whopping 4 people were killed by a tornado in Illinois. I'm like, "Oh, thank God it was just a natural disaster." I'm almost glad it was "only" a tornado. This war/terrorist thing has skewed my perception.

04.20.04-Tue:

Haven't had much to put down here. The 1997 Ford Windstar has has a "check engine" light for a couple of days now. Since the engine was still there, and there was no "low oil" light, I figured that was about all the checking I needed to do, but Deb was getting a fed up with my lack of concern. I drove it yesterday, and it started FLASHING at me, and I realized the Van was also fed up with my inattention. So I took it in today.

04.10.04-Sat: I put plus and minus signs on my website. Worked on the Plot on my next bestselling science fiction book. Cursed about how cold it was. Ate some Easter candy.

04.08.04-Thu: Took the family to the Detroit Zoo yesterday. It wasn't crowded, the temperature was just right, and we had a great time.

04.06.04-Tue: During a game of SORRY!, Alex informed me that "pawns don't have feet."

04.04.04-Sun: I am such a GEEK! I'm starting to use TWO monitors on my laptop. I am truly the geekiest of the geekish.

04.04.04-Sun: They're running some "acid-reflux" medicine comercials featuring John Elway. Is it just me, or does John Elway look like a young Jabba the Hut? The guy is ugly in a way I've never seen ugly before. Put the helmet back on please!

04.03.04-Sat: There was one point today where I couldn't find my wallet OR the remote control. I still can't find the remote.

04.02.04-Fri: Hit a bucket of balls, and i must have hit, oh, five really good drives.

04.01.04-Thu: Ha ha ha. I about had a coronary this morning when H. Stern wasn't on, but I remembered it was April fools day. They put two interns on and made it sound like a lame-o goody-two-shoes show. Whew. I thought I was going to fall into a deep depression.

03.30.04-Tue: Today we were watching the news, and of course, some more police got killed in Iraq, and Savannah says, "Why don't they just do Rock-Paper-Scissors?" I think I'll approach the U.N. with this idea. Maybe she's stumbled onto the answer for world peace.

03.29.04-Mon: I must have scratched my eyeball. It feels like there's sand in my left eye, but I can't get it out of there. I tried washing it out with Visine and water, but there's nothing there.

03.29.04-Mon: Today I saw the squirrel trying to climb the bird-feeder pole. But I put grease on the pole. It got halfway up the pole, then held on, then slowly slid back down with this dumb look on its face, like it was saying, "WTF? I'm a squirrel damn-it! I should be able to climb anything." Friggin' squirrel.

03.29.04-Mon: I had a first Saturday. I was eating some pork ribs, and I was pretty hungry so I was eating fast, when I sneezed. After I sneezed, I realized that something wasn't right. I knew i had something in my nasal passages that shouldn't be there. I excused myself and went outside, where, on the patio, I blew my nose and a huge hunk of pork came out of my nose. Sick huh?

03.30.04-Tue. Today we were watching the news, and of course, some more police got killed in Iraq, and Savannah says, "Why don't they just do Rock-Paper-Scissors?" I think I'll approach the U.N. with this idea. Maybe she's stumbled onto the answer for world peace.

03.29.04-Mon. I must have scratched my eyeball. It feels like there's sand in my left eye, but I can't get it out of there. I tried washing it out with Visine and water, but there's nothing there.

03.29.04-Mon. Today I saw the squirrel trying to climb the bird-feeder pole. But I put grease on the pole. It got halfway up the pole, then held on, then slowly slid back down with this dumb look on its face, like it was saying, "WTF? I'm a squirrel damn-it! I should be able to climb anything." Friggin' squirrel.

03.29.04-Mon. I had a first Saturday. I was eating some pork ribs, and I was pretty hungry so I was eating fast, when I sneezed. After I sneezed, I realized that something wasn't right. I knew i had something in my nasal passages that shouldn't be there. I excused myself and went outside, where, on the patio, I blew my nose and a huge hunk of pork came out of my nose. Sick huh?