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 12.31.02 tuesday: ~happy new year
-hapy new year(0717) 12.30.02 monday: ~another action-packed monday
-worked 122902)
12.29.02 sunday: ~ dave barry is funny
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-played 2 games of Sorry! 122802)
12.28.02 saturday:
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-i'm bored! i'm bored! 122602)
12.26.02 thursday: Christmas +1
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-it's over. I'm ready to start a new movement called: Parents Against Obnoxious Packaging PAOP. I can't stand the way they
package toys these days. It takes a knife, scissors, and a pair of wire cutters to open packages these days.
I swear to god, a Barbie dollhouse could withstand a nuclear attack and nothing would be jostles in the package.
It's ridiculous. I don't undersand why everything has to be safety wired to the box. The Navy helicopters
weren't tied down as securely as this plastic stuff is. 122402)
12.24.02 tuesday: Christmas Eve
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-can you believe i actually did last minute shopping today and didn't lose my mind? It was before
eight this morning, and already the place (MEIJER) was packed. I took a vacation day because
we're driving to JoAnne's today, and I didn't want to be in a hurry. 122102)
12.21.02 saturday: it's the weekend.
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-(0727)it snowed yesterday. The girls went to Anna's and made gingerbread houses (sort of) and when they got home last night, we went sledding (Deb, was at work,
so she didn't get to go. It was like, nine at night when we got back. I made the girls hot chocolate,
and we watched Rudolf the RNR. What a Christmassy night eh? * some of the above entry was humor. I hope you all can figure out which part it was! 121802)
12.18.02 wednesday: LOTR II
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-saw lord of the rings II, and it was good. good and long (3 hours) 121702)
12.17.02 tuesday: it's tuesday, what do you expect?
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~took back bottles ________________________ 121602)
12.16.02 monday: ~~
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-i wrote a program at work today. 121402) 12.14.02 saturday: depressed teachers / christmas party 121402"> -After work yesterday I stopped by the Frog for a beer. There were three grade-school teachers there, all of them discouraged. They said the kids don't care. I learned that teachers can't give students detention anymore, and they can't give 'Fs' anymore either. They give 'Es'. They said F stands for failure and they had to work on kids' self esteem. "But they failed!" I said. I couldn't belive some of the stuff they were telling me. They have some classification for kids called EI, meaning "Emotionally Imbalanced" or "Impared" or something. They have a code now for cut-ups and troublemakers! No wonder people say the school system sucks. I felt sorry for these three teachers. They were depressed. -met some nice people last night at a Christmas party. The party was at the parent's house of one of Alexandria's classmates. Alex and this other girl are best friends, so we had a nice time meeting lots of people. And Santa showed up, which saves us a trip to the mall! 121202)
12.12.02 thursday: ~~
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-i'm thinking that maybe this first book isn't going to be the great american novel. it's not that bad, but it's not that good either. 121102) 12.11.02 wednesday: dental work 121102"> -went to the dentist today. he didn't use anethstetic (sp) because the tooth had already had a root canal, and there was no nerve underneath it. (i didn't know what a root canal was until to day, but now I do.) I got the gas, so everything was a-okay. :^) on a side note, there was a retarded kid in the waiting room, and he would just say "TEETH!" really loud, and then say "TEETH!" again, with just as much excitement. Then he started saying "CHAIR!" he was a real curled-up-arm, mishapen-head retarded, but he seemed very happy to say "TEETH!" and "CHAIR!" really loud. God bless us everyone Tiny Tim! TEETH! -played three games of "kerplunk!" today's rating: : )121002)
12.10.02 tuesday: hm . . .
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-I'm trying to think of something interesting to write here. My friend Curt asked yesterday how I find time
to update a webpage every day. It only takes a few minutes, but when there's like, nothing exciting going on,
sometimes you have too much time. I'm writing, and i have nothing to say. I'll take this opportunity
to declare again that I, dan manning, have no weapons of mass destruction. I have no weapons of mass destruction program, neither
chemical, biological, or nuclear. 120802) 12.08.02 sunday: the freakishly large christmas tree 120802"> -i don't have a very good eye for sizes. I can't judge height very well. we went christmas shopping yesterday, which went well enough. we only hit two stores, toys-r-us and BurlingtonCoatFactory. Fine. in an unprecedented (for me) moment of splurging, i even took the family to OldCountryBuffet. so then we went to get the tree. we wandered around up on 9 mile in this lot that had trees for sale. they had the bonfire, hot chocolate, and do-it-yourself cut down pine trees thing going. we wander around and wander around. finally, deb and the girls spot their tree. i ready to get out of there, so i start cutting. and cutting . . . and cutting . . . while i'm cutting two other families cut down their trees and drag them off, but i'm still cutting, cursing, and hacking my way through this gigantic tree. finally, it falls. i can barely drag the tree(i had to stop for breath two times) to the little roadway where a truck will come by and take our haul back to the place with the tree shakers and wrappers and cash registers and hot chocolate and everything else. the truck has a little platform behind the cab for trees, and a big place for people to sit in the back where they can ride. Our tree doesn't fit in the little place for the trees, where there are six or seven trees already. Our tree would have crushed, all the other trees. So the driver helps me haul our tree, which i now realize is never going to fit in our living room, much less our house, back with all the other people, cramming them into the corners and up front. they are all very impressed by our gigantic tree. they're commenting on its size. now i'm sort of embarrassed, so i pretend that sure, we live in a mansion. we get this sized tree every year. it's the cost of being rich. big christmas trees. i was trying to figure out how to ditch this tree and get a normal sized tree. when i get back, some people help me get the giant tree off the truck. deb abandons me immediately, claiming that alexandria had to go to the bathroom. i think she didn't want to be associated with our gigantic tree. so i'm standing next to this giant tree i'm too exhausted to even move, waving people around me for the line to the shaker and the wrapping machine, both of which my tree is too big for. one of the tree-lot guys comes up and says they have special stands for special trees (freakishly too big) and it only costs $30.00 to screw a hole in the massive trunk of my massive christmas tree in order to attach a huge tree stand. i decline. so deb comes back with hot chocolate. by then everyone who had arrived with us in the truck is through the line and gone. i tell deb that this tree will never fit in the house. our van wouldn't be able to move it anyway, as either the top or the bottom of the tree would hang down, obscuring my vision and dragging on the blacktop as we drove. plus, at the other end of the line of tree shaking machines and wrapping machines stands a pole with colored stripes on it, and prices indicating how much a tree would cost according to its height. i had been studying that pole when deb returned; our tree would have cost us, oh, i don't know, $150, plus the price of the tree stand. so, in as moment of christmas criminality, we abandon the massive tree where it lay. trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, we head for the exit. near the exit, they have pre-cut trees. we're talking to the man, picking out a nice normal-sized tree. the entire time, i'm thinking, should i tell this dude about the act of eco-terrorism i and my family have perpetrated? so i confess about the abandoned tree. he says, "oh, don't worry about it, we'll prop it up and sell it. (i don't think he realized what i meant by "too-big" but i didn't say anything) i was so relieved. we took a normal sized tree that cost about as much as the tree-stand for the giant tree would have cost. I got in line and had it shaken and wrapped. I slung it easily over my shoulder, took it out to the van, tied it down, and home we went. i even had to top the one we brought home about six inches. 120702)
12.07.02 saturday: ow! my checkbook!
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-i've been informed that madatory christmas shopping will take place today. 120602)
12.06.02 friday: ow! my #$%@& back!
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-loaded .net on my machine at work.
120502)
12.05.02 thursday: please! no more zelda~!
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-my kids are forcing me to play video games against my will! 120302)
12.03.02 tuesday: shoulder launched surface-to-air missiles
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-: ) behold my new rating system. I had a good day, so "thumbsup.gif"! even though it was a thousand degrees below zero! 120102)
12.01.02 sunday: bonus turkey day
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-deb made another turkey dinner so we'd have leftovers. we had thanksgiving at her mother's house. -i'm back to no capitalization and no spaces. it's the new style! -it snowed today whoo-hoo! -i cleaned off my desk at work the other day! big deal! -i got a state of the art PDA, and it's already just another thing i carry around, like car keys! -nothing's going on, but i gotta put stuff on this fucking web-page every day! -i'm over-using explanation marks! tell me how you like it! 11.26.02 tuesday: no, I don't have WMDs! - I was pretty surprised with two van-loads of UN weapons inspectors pulled into my driveway. They unloaded a bunch of equipment and served a search warrent. The cannisters they found in our store room were NOT Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD). I repeat: Those were duel use items! The allegations set forth by the Federal government are completely unfounded. Jeez. 11.25.02 monday: no, we didn't get the pictures!- Enda: I didn't get pictures yet. Tried to return email, but I got an email error. 11.24.02 sunday: why no updates dan??- I haven't put anything in here in awhile because I've been doing nothing but write, write, write all day every day. I'm starting to get cabin fever already, and winter is just starting. Yesterday I took the family to Fredrik Meijer Gardens. They had about a hundred Christmas trees all over the place, all lit up. Fred Meijer was there, talking to some people. 11.18.02 monday:- Today was boring. I went to work and then I came home. This weekend I wrote, watched football, and read. I raked leaves into a pile, and the kids jumped in it. 11.14.02 thursday:- I had to go to the dentists today. Ouchy-Wa-Wa! But it really didn't hurt too bad. I watched Star Wars Episode II on DVD this evening. Man that's a good movie. Otherwise, I'm still working on my bestselling novel, which turned out to be 30,000 words too short to sell anywhere, so now I have another month's work on it. Luckily I have all kinds of ideas, so I'll have no problem filling it out. 11.12.02 tuesday:- Damn IT! Why didn't I think of this? 11.11.02 monday: -My new strategy to deal with telemarketers is to say crazy shit at random when they call. I'll say things like "My pants are missing!" and "There's an FBI agent in my attic. The Orkin guy let him up there last week, and thinks I didn't notice, but I did. He has a briefcase full of gadgets up there, and he's spying on me. So this call may be monitored." This strategy won't get rid of the calls, but maybe it will make them more interesting. -I have to take some movies back this morning. Don't rent Insomnia (Al Pacino, Robin Williams) because it kind of sucks. -Holy shit! Amish Buggy Wreck! When will this sensless onslaught against the peaceful Amish people end? How many Amish must die before there's peace in this country? 11.08.02 saturday:-Today we're taking the girls to Dragon Tales Live. (Oh God in heaven help me!) I'll have to remember to bring earplugs. It's a labor of love people, not something I'm looking forward to. Well, I'm writing my bestseller this morning, so I have no more time to write here. -After the Dragon Tales ordeal, I took the family to It's A Grind Coffee House. The place is so new it was a training day, and we got everything FREE! I highly recommend the Urban Club. Fantastic. 11.06.02 wednesday:-Things were breaking today. A friend of mine broke a tooth biting into a Rice Krispy treat; the babysitter broke one of our lamps (an old one, it was an accident, no big deal) -Also, we had the Parent-Teacher conference with Savannah's teacher, and she's doing real good. 11.05.02 tuesday ELECTION DAY: >-My neck feels better. It's election day. Whoop-de-do! Do you have all of your proposals memorized? 11.04.02 monday:-I must have slept on my neck wrong, because this morning, I have a kink in my neck. I think Deb stole my pillow. More on this in-depth investigation on an ALL-NEW danmanning.com. 11.03.02 sunday:-yesterday I made chicken soup. 11.02.02 saturday:-Finished the second draft of my newest bestseller. I got to find a publisher now. Soon, I will be rich, and you'll never hear from me again! Bu-HAHAHAHA. -no, really, it's done, I got one more read, and let the rejection slips start rollin' in! Oh yea! october 10.26.02 saturday:-bought an exercise bike today. Did a networking for some people we know. I got this f*cked-up cold that's kicking my ass. Yesterday I went and saw the JACKASS movie with some of the guys from work. It was pretty funny. 10.22.02 tuesday:-not much to report. It's a little colder, but not too bad. Josh and Jay came over and cut down a couple of trees in the backyard. (Yes, we asked them to, they didn't just come over while we were away.) We had barbacue and desert. It was a pretty cool deal. 10.17.02 thursday:
9:50 PM: -Last night I went to Damon's grill to watch the MNF game. TWICE! I went to the 28th street Damons, ordered a beer, and then realized that the guys were meeting at the 44th street Damon's. (Here I strike my forehead with the palm of my hand in sheepish embarrasment) Oops! Despite my fucked up sense of direction and lack of short-term memory, I found the right bar, and we had a good time. 10.12.02 saturday:-Today we (the family) went to Rockford. Again, there was a festival. The kids got a ponie ride and got their faces painted and got balloon animals from a clown. We had dinner at SAM'S JOINT, and I had a pretty good burger. 10.11.02 friday:-(11:35 PM) Yes, I'm still alive! I was at a software conference outside of Chicago earlier this week. Jay and I went. It was a really nice resort area, and the software company kept us fed and all that. I won an IPAQ while I was there, so it was a good trip all the way around. -Otherwise, there's nothing new going on. I'm going to send in a story Monday, I can't remember the last time I did, but I've given myself a deadline to get SOMETHING in the mail Monday. 10.03.02 thursday:-My muffler pipe broke! I took it to this place, and they wanted $217.00 to fix it. I fixed it for under $7.00 with this patch kit you just clamp on there. It worked. Don't know how long it will last, but it worked. 10.01.02 tuesday:-Holy Smokes! My dad has a webpage! -studied code code code all day. -i lost to jay in chess AGAIN! -i finished my first draft of my book, and it's too short! bring on the filler! september 09.29.02 sunday:
-Yesterday Jeff and Amy came over and had barbacue. Jeff and I went to his dad's house and drilled a 5" hold in his father's brick wall for an air-conditioner vent. That drill was LOUD. AUBURN, Indiana (AP) -- Northeastern Indiana police say a 24-year-old man is lucky to be alive after being compacted inside a garbage truck. Chad Dillon was rescued yesterday after witnesses heard him screaming from within the back of the Waste Management truck as its driver picked up trash at the DeKalb County Fairgrounds. Police say the truck compacted Dillon into loads of trash not once, but twice. He was released yesterday afternoon from a Fort Wayne Hospital after being treated for head, chest and arm injuries. Auburn Police Chief Martin McCoy says Dillon apparently fell asleep in a trash bin somewhere in the downtown Auburn area, where a fall festival was held this week. He says Dillon had been out drinking Thursday night at an Auburn bar. 09.25.02 wednesday: 09.25.02 wednesday:-had to yell at some eleven year old kid for scarin' my 4 year old. I impounded his bike cause he ran off and hid. I explained to him in no uncertain terms that scaring 4 year old girls was liable to piss somebody off. jesus h. christ i wanted to beat the shit out of that kid. he apologized, and i think he meant it, so there may be some hope for humanity, i don't know. -and on a light note, i ran three miles today in 30:19, a personal best. I'd like to get below 30 minutes in a couple of weeks. -work is BORING, but interesting. 09.23.02 monday:-So I go to watch a roller hockey game, and I come home at 8 at night, and nobody's here. No note, the garage door is cracked open, and no note. I'm quizzing the neighbors and hitting the "redial" button on the phone, and searching for a note. Turns out, they just went to the store, instead of what I assumed happened (abduction, emergency trip to the emergency room, etc.) Don't you think she should have left a note? 09.22.02 sunday:-Took my gift card to the sports store and bought a golf-ball display rack for my golf balls. I get a golf ball from every course I play, and now I have somewhere to keep them. Took the family to Applebee's, ran 3 miles (31 minutes, thank you very much) and wrote a 1,401 words in my bestselling new novel. :^D . 09.21.02 saturday:
-Sombody changed my office radio from NPR to hip-hop. I turned it on, and my first thought was "hey, where's all the boring stuff?" I turned 36 yesterday. It was a good birthday. 09.17.02 tuesday:-(12:03 PM) Well, not much is going on, as usual. I'm taking Alex to McDonald's for lunch, and then back to work. 09.13.02 friday:-(late) Today sucked. virus hit the computers. cat has cancer. mules loose on the highway. one bright spot: went to the driving range. wrote some more of my story. It's coming along pretty good. Lot's of plot twists and all that. Characters are showing signs of life. 09.11.02 wednesday:-(7:22 AM) Ladies, want to go on a magica journey, then check out this vibrating Harry Potter Broom. I kid you not, this is a legitimate toy. Click the link and read the reviews of this actual item. What will they think of next? 09.10.02 tuesday:
-(7:04AM) These allergies are killing me. Haven't been up to too much, just workin' and sneezin'. I'm maintaining my media blackout until the tommorow's media frenzy has subsided. Every time I look at the TV or newspaper I cringe. Not because of what happened, but because of what the media is doing with it. Jesus Christ, give us a break already. -(1:01 PM) Some Indian dude came by handing out leaflets, putting them in the front-door handles of all the houses. He was chanting, saying, "In the name of Jesus Christ I relinquish the evils in these homes . . ." over and over again, pretty loud. The pamphlets had pictures of the WTC towers collapsing, and some stuff about Christianity. This I find strange. It's strange in itself, but stranger still because yesterday after work, Deb and I had a discussion about whether or not to have the girls in catechism in order to get them blessed. I said it was a bunch of hooey and we should skip it, and since the classes were on Monday night, we figured it was too much of a schedule for a six-year-old to have to deal with, so Deb agreed we'd skip it for now. I thought having them blessed was a waste of time, and the matter was dropped. Then, the very next day, here's this looney Indian guy handing out leaflets and basically blessing all the houses in the neighborhood. Problem solved. We're all blessed, and we save $85 on catechism classes. 09.06.02 friday:-(9:19PM)Went and saw the Northview Wildcats beat the West Catholic at the high school. The neighbors were there, and we had a good time. The kid across the street is a running back and he got most of the yards for Northview. -How pathetic is this: I have the stereo cranked up playing "Angie" by the Rolling Stones so our kids won't hear the ice-cream truck outside. What kind of parents are we I ask you? -Yesterday I ran 3 miles, and I had some KICK at the end of it. -(7:05AM)This weekend has been nothing but Bondo Bondo Bondo. I sanded and pained all the rust on the Luxury Sedan yesterday.
-Damn, Jay guessed HIS birthday present today. What's going on here?
-Worked from home -cleaned garage some more. Found an old Royal typewriter with magic powers. Wrote Hemingway-like prose on it. -helped neighbors cut trees with the chainsaw Deb gave me over a year ago. Our trees were threatening their fence. I have much firewood for the winter. -Took the girls to the mall. -Tomorrow is Savannah's first day of 1st grade. -A praying mantis landed on my desk at work this morning. I took it outside and let it go. How many Karma Tokens is that worth? -Jay came over and beat me in a game of chess. Damn it! -I got the muffler fixed. -I climbed on the roof and killed bees. -Deb made enchelada style pork burritos. She makes good Mexican food for a Polish lady. -"AAuhG! My muffler came off. Damnit! -Tonight I threw out ten years worth of accumulated crap. I took two trunkloads of old books to the library, and I pity the trash man tomorrow; there's about eighty pounds of old college books in the trash dumpster. -Went to Rob and Kara's over the weekend. Played some golf, threw some horse-shoes, and played some Euchre. Rob got his MBA (Contratulations), and that was what the party was for. Dennis and Angie(6 down) visited from Wisconsin. -After a lengthy illness, Eric the Cat was put to sleep. He was a good cat. I buried him in the backyard. -I don't think there's any good way for a person to to kill themselves, but this story describes a way that has to be the dumbest possible method to commit suicide. -Yesterday I went golfing with Jeff. We had a great time. I just realized there is a line of propoganda like "Pro Distance" or "Pro Trajectory" or "Tournement Trajectory". What the hell does that mean? My ball still ends up in the trees no matter what "trajectory" has been designed into the ball. Click here for the carnage -I think Eric (our cat) has West Nile virus. He's lathargic and wouldn't come out from under the bush in the yard all day. He won't even stand up. His eyes are all glazed over and he's not responding to anything. He's at least looking around. I checked the CDC website, and they said most cats survive. I suppose he might have just hit his head or fallen out of a tree or something, but I don't know. We'll have to tak him to the vet ($$!!) and that will suck. -I rode my bike today instead of running. It's easier on the knees, but now my ass hurts. -It's time to go to the frog! -As many of you may have noticed, I've embraced capital letters again. For awhile I wasn't using capital letters, but now I do. -I ran 3 miles today. I ran three miles yesterday. I ran three miles the day before that. -My bestseller is coming along nicely, and you can look for it in bookstores soon.* -I voted today. No more hanging chads for this precinct. We have touch screens. I have no idea who I voted for, so don't even ask. * soon being withing 3 to 5 years. -I've been running lately, trying to get three miles in every other day. This morning I thought I'd be really industrious and jog at six in the morning. I woke up, dressed, and out the door I went. Unfortunatly, I forgot to do something I always do every morning: I forgot to take a dump. So there I am, running along Plainfield, and the urge to shit hits me quick. I'm about a mile from the house, and there's not a store open--anywhere. I't six o'clock on a friggin Sunday! I'm walking home, because running is jostling my bowels too much, and I'm concentrating, and it's trying to come out harder and harder, so now I'm speed walking with my ass-cheeks pinched together, with this look of horror on my face because I have serious doubts that I'm going to make it. It gets so bad, as I'm pinching and walking, and I'm mumbling to myself, "I'm walking, I'm walking, it's okay, it's okay" that I start looking at people's yards, wondering, If I shit in those bushes, would anyone see me? Finally I come up to th construction site at the end of our road, and I figure they have to have a port-o-potty there or something, but no, they don't. In case you're wondering, I made it. july-I think I'll stop watching the news. It's fucking depressing. -Savannah's bed was delivered today. I put it together. It was easy. -I didn't run today, but I'll run in the morning. -I'm still working on my book. I have the thing outlined most of the way through. I'm not going to start it until I know how it ends, who does what, and all that hoo-ha. I've had more false starts than I care to mention. -Today I ran three miles. Yesterday I ran three miles. Could tomorrow be the start of an actual running routine? Don't count on it. I'll be swilling beers again in no time. -Today I saw a lady in an SUV pull out of her driveway up the street. Something fell off the car. I drove up and there was a cordless phone in the street. The battery cover had fallen off, and the white battery pack, still attached by that little cord, was lying in the street. So, trying to be helpful, I'm following this SUV and honking the horn and waving my hand. The lady won't stop, probably thinking that I am a lunatic. So screw her. The reason I was on the road in the first place was to go to Meijer and pick up some Diet Pepsi for Deb (her #1 favorite drink) and to get me a big peice of poster board. I need the poster board to map out my latest bestseller, and Deb needs the Diet Pepsi so she won't kill us all in our sleep. The Plainfield Meijer has a huge parking lot. I realize that it's completely full. I go in and there are cashiers in every lane and every lane has a line a mile long. I don't even bother going any further into the store. There's this old guy sitting on one of the nice benches by the door, facing the cashier lanes. I sit next to him. He's got on high-water khaki pants that displays his white socks and pale, nasty looking shins. He's wearing those Stevie Wonder glasses, the ones with the huge lenses, even on the side. I sit there and watch people for half an hour. The place is so busy, there are no carts. Every few seconds, another person will come through the door, maybe carrying a black garbage bag full of soda cans, or maybe there with two kids, and there are absolutely no carts. There are so many people that there are no carts.
-made a trestle(?) for the green beans in the garden to grow on. They didn't have anything to climb on.
-turns out i DIDN'T fix the car last week. the computer went bad (the computer inside the car brian, you smart-ass), and i had to take it in. works fine now though.
-fixed the car, i think. just cranked the idle screw all the way down. it's not stalling out anymore. -look at the story from CNN.com: Freezing mountaineer saved by telemarketerBOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) --A hiker is stranded in South America's Andes mountains when a blizzard begins. He reaches into his backpack for his cell phone -- only to find his prepaid minutes are up. The Colombian mountaineer slowly begins freezing to death, surviving for 24 hours with his only warmth coming from carefully measured doses of brandy. Then suddenly, at above 12,500 feet, Leonardo Diaz hears a familiar ring. Out of nowhere, a phone company solicitor is calling on his cell phone, asking if he would like to buy more time. "We called him to remind him that his cell phone was out of minutes. He said it was the work of an angel, because he was lost in the (Andes)," said Maria del Pilar Basto, the BellSouth operator who called Leonardo. Basto called for help, and she and other operators kept ringing Leonardo to keep him awake and help ward off hypothermia. He was able to keep talking to her until rescue teams arrived seven hours later -- with the frigid temperatures acting as a natural recharger for his cell phone batteries. "I remembered that when I was a boy I put batteries in the freezer," Diaz said in a newspaper interview describing his late May adventure. "So, I took off (the dead) battery and flung it into the snow. After half an hour, it was working again." Diaz was not answering his cell phone on Thursday. -much nothing going on, sorry i havne't checked in in awhile. been writing a lot, in fact, that's all i've been doing, so nothing too exciting. -i did beat brian three games of chess last night, but he's out of practice. -we're going to some festival in irons michigan?? this weekend; don't know what that's going to be about. -sorry, but i don't have time for this shit, i got a novel to write.
-alex informed me that i am "not the master of the kitchen." Mom is.
-golfed yesterday with josh -we have central air. alas, i have already grown acustom to the cold. -bedlam ALMOST beat the red team. it was so close. -deb and i watched 'the king and i' on dvd. -damn it's cold in here. -i did it! i made beer shoot out of deb's nose! my life is complete! -bought all the stuff to put in new furnace/central air -in dumb-ass move, hurt back pulling the old furnace up the stairs -can't type anymore, have to soak in tub to try to ease pain in back because i am a monkey -I own 15 DVD movies. This wouldn't be significant, but I want you to realize the odds of this happening: Tonight, I'm watching this show, the American Film Institute's 100 greatest romantic movies. (Deb's really the one watching it; I just happen to be watching it with her). It's this countdown type show, and Deb and I are on the couch watching this show. I'm curious to see what the #1 movie is. I think to myself, whatever the #1 movie is, maybe I'll buy it if it isn't crap. Turns out the winner is 'Casablanca' (1943). A movie I already own. Okay, I got lucky. So I go to their website. www.afi.com and I look up some other categories. They list 'Some Like it Hot' (1959) as the #1 funniest movie. Now I don't agree with their pick, but I own that movie too. So now I'm two for two. So I look up what they think is the #1 thriller. They say 'Psycho' (1960). I say Alien (1979). One of the 15 movies I own is the movie 'Psycho'. I don't know, I just thought that was pretty cool/weird/strange/whatever. The #1 movie I didn't have was "Citizen Kane' which I don't want to see, because it's about some fat guy in a hat or something. Imagine me, a regular guy, faced with thousands upon thousands of movie choices, picking three of the top movies of all time(according to these AMI movie big-shots), just on my impulse buying instincts. That I think this means anything, and I spent time typing it just underscores the fact that I am a loser; but when it comes to movies, I can pick a winner.
-ran
-took family to bookstore
-alex had her dance recital 2+ hours! she did really good in front of all those people.
-savannah graduated from kindergarten this morning. little hats and everything. teacher got all emotional. they never did that when I was in school.
-worked -Saturday Savannah had a pirate-theme birthday party. So Friday night I buried a treasure in the backyard. For real. I'm pretty sore in the back yet. Alex had her dance dress rehersal, and Joanne and Rick came down to visit. -Work is still work. Doing all kinds of computer geek stuff there. -helped a friend of mine change his brakes. -great weather -savannah's birthday party is coming up -wrote a lot. -didn't use the word "fuck" in this entire entry!  05.27.02 monday: memorial day
-like to send a shout out to all my friends still doin' the duty for the gub-mint! this is your day, enjoy it! -today was all about yard work. lots of pine bark nuggets. mmm mmm can't get enough of those pine bark nuggets. -many of my loyal readers have emailed with the same question: did you die or fall off the edge of the planet or something?. i assure you i have not. i just haven't had time to write in this page, because I've been busy with an exciting new novel, which will make me rich beyond my wildest imaginings, and will free me from the eternal cycle of birth, school, work, and death. (i'll get to skip the work part and concentrate on drinking and sitting around all day writing stories.) but dan, you say, you're thirty-five already. why haven't you published anything yet? good question. ouch. that hurts. let me get back to you on that. today i'm going to complain about the weather. it's fucking memorial day, and i could again see my own breath this morning, since it was so cold. it rained again all day, and i've got seasonal depression. yes, this is a cry for help. send me one hundred dollars, i'll buy myself a bus ticket to phoenix. i've decided that the first thing i'm going to do with my money is move somewhere warm. i did take the ladies out to Outback Steakhouse today. last time i do that. that place is fucking expensive. good food, but you pay for it. other than that, i've been writing, learning more programming, and moping around like a psychopath about the fucking terrible weather up here. what the hell was i thinking moving to michigan. first chance i get, i'm out of here. -went and saw Star Wars Episode II today, and it was great. Can't wait to see it again. Probably one of the best star wars movies so far. -i love my kids, but i'm ready to go back to work. -i won't become a stay at home dad any time soon, hopefully. -rain, i love thee not. please go away, i have two vacation days. -deb has orientation tomorrow and tuesday, so i took the days off to watch the kids, and for a vacation. doesn't look like the weather is going to cooperate (surprise!) oh well, i can use the time to write or study code or something. all last week was the same, so I'll wrap it up for you. i had XP class in lansing, which meant a commute i am thankfully not used to. note to me: don't take a job that requires a commute. today I put up a curtain rod for deb. now we have curtains in the living room. i made deb breakfast in bed, and bought her a book. last night i took alex to the "big mall" and let her ride the merry-go-round. i'm getting cabin fever. i don't know how I had all that time off for back surgery. i wish it would stop raining. i know the plants need it, but i don't care about plants. -email from the new grand-dad: Born this day May 6th Madeline Mae Roberts 1145 am 7lbs 10ozs 19" parents Corri & Ben Roberts All are fine and well click here to see the baby. -savannah's 6.5 year birthday is next month, and she's having a pirate theme (don't ask me why, but there it is). so i built a wooden chest yesterday, and we're going to bury it in the backyard, and there will be party stuff inside. I'm going to goodwill and getting a bunch of old costume jewelry and junk to put in it for the kiddies, since they're almost all girls. we're going to make a pirate map and all that jazz. -i took the family to the zoo. alexandria's preschool class has a dat at the zoo each spring, and i took the day off, took savannah out of school and we all went to the zoo. what the hell do i pay taxes for? there had to be five school buses there, and about a million kids. do kids go to school anymore these days? a group of first graders were headed for the front gate, and we had to power walk to get in front of them, or we would have had to stand there for an hour. once we did get inside, the place was friggin' crawling with kids. when do they ever learn anything? -in spite of all my complaining, we did have a good time. -then we went and saw SPIDER MAN. My spiderman movie experience was as close to perfect as could be expected. Good movie, the place wasn't crowded, and no one sitting too close. good day had by all.
-so i'm sitting here typing when i hear deb running around the house yelling at the cat (eric) like there's a murderer
in the house. I go out in the living room, and deb's hauling ass down the stairs. "He's got finster!"
it takes me a second to realize the cat had the gerbil in its mouth.
april
I see the cat fly under the couch. I throw a blanket under there, and then the gerbil runs out from under the couch. I catch the gerbil and put it back in the cage. and that's all the excitement from the manning compound.
-i'm bored, and it's cold out. nothing new to report.
-that's why i shaved my beard off today. somebody yelled, "die you fucking taliban!" out their car
window at me today. alex started crying when she saw the face without the beard. -my sister is about to have a baby!
-that's why the call it hump day isn't it? another week. it snowed earlier this week, and now it's seventy-something degrees. -i picked up that science fiction book i wrote a few months ago, and it's not as crappy as i thought it was. just a little crappy. after i finish what i'm working on now, i might do another draft of that one. there may be hope for millions after all. -there's thunderstorms coming, and deb is cooking out. - oh my god, deb just told me that 15 kids are coming to savannah's birthday party! juesus christ.
-so i don't go to the tire place on my lunch break. This morning, I checked my tire, and lo and behold! it's not flat!
35 psi, right on the money. now the healing process can start. my dark nightmare is over . . .
~saturday i . . .
1. couldn't find wilcox park ~sunday i . . .
1. did nothing -so i go to the tire place on my lunch break. it's a different tire store, one a guy at work tells me about. It's a hole-in-the-wall place, and the lady i deal with is this large spanish lady. there's junk rims all over the place, but again, she tells me they don't have my rims. she offers, for twenty bucks, to clean the rims. i tell her the trire place (the first tire place) had already cleaned the rims, but they still leak. she assured me that they must not have cleaned the tires, and i agree to have them clean the tires, five day guarantee, balance included. i agree. she was right. the jacked-up place that started all this never did clean my tires like they said they did. -so i go to the tire place on my lunch break. it's a different tire store, and i tell them my woes from the day before. the guy at the counter checks his computer, and alas, the closest tire he can find for my car is in detroit, and the cheapest he can do it is $160. dejected, i return to the eternal air-pump at the speedway, formally crystal flash, and I pull in to air up my tire, like i do every other day. some asshole took the chuck out of the end of the hose. probably from the tire guy from yesterday, but i can't prove that. i stare at my deflating tire; my only alternative is to drive all the way to Meijer, the busiest place on the face of the earth, or buy a chuck for my own use. there's a parts store a block away, so I buy an air chuck for my own use. I return to the speedway, tighten the band-clamp down on the chuck, and air up my tire. while i'm doing this, a pickup backs up in front of my car, next in line. the guy gets out and goes in to buy something. i finish airing up the tire, take my air chuck, and leave. -so i go to the tire place on my lunch break. dumb move on my part, but i did it anyway. the driver's side tires have slow leaks, and i have to fill them up every other day. today i got fed up, and decided to replace the rims. They're these aluminum rims and they leak. (photo) it's a weekday (duh) and there's nobody there. i figure i'm not going to have to wait at all. they pull the car in, and i'm watching through the nice glass window they have set up there in the lobby. i figure i'll be out of there in no time. (if you're wondering, this story isn't as good as the cat-bath story, so don't get your hopes up) anyway, the kid takes both tires off, and goes around and takes the tires in the back to change the rims out. no problem. now i'm only buying two tires, because only two leak. it might be a mismach, but it's a $700 car. putting new rims on a $700 car is dumb enough, but to buy four new tires for a $700 car would be twice as dumb. so i wait, and i wait, and the kid comes up and startles me in the lobby, and says, "sir, we're sorry, but we don't have the rims we thought we did in the back. the dumb-shits took the tires off the car, and the tires off the rims, before going back and making sure they had the fucking rims in the first place. i tell the kid to put the tires back on the car. i'm not pissed at this point, but when i walk up to the front desk, i overhear the manager say to the kid "oh, now they don't need the tires?" as if i suddenly just changed my mind out of the blue or something. so this genius comes the office and he knows i heard what he said. I just look at him and say, "you didn't check the shelf to make sure you had the rims before you took my tires off?" and he's all apologizing and offering to give me a free balance and all this other crap, and I just tell him to put my tires back on. what an asshole. he wasted my whole lunch break.
-yea.
-i don't know who came up with this spring follows winter idea, but it's great. went to the lake, found a softball, and spent the days killing weeks with my bottle of Roundup i bought at Meijer.
-i made a rope ladder for the treehouse, and that was easy. climbing a rope ladder is a different story. -there was a fishing rod in the garage, left over from the old owners, and I tied a shop rag to it, got my clubs, stuck the "flag" in the ground in the soccer field at the school, and had a free day at the driving range. rick gave me a million golf balls, so I took a bucket out and did chip shots all day.
-and not a moment too soon. raked the yard, played outside with the kids. i was just happy to be alive and outside without freezing. i went out into the backyard and said, "wow! i'm not freezing!" -bonus checks today. nice. -writing bestseller again.
-it's darker and earlier than ever!
1. it's freezing out. 2. it's raining out. 3. the NASCAR race was rained out. 4. I had to paint all day. 5. deb bought a twelve pack, and it was half-frozen.
-how long does it take to bury the queen of england? she's been dead what? a month, and every friggin' day on tv they're still trying to get her in the ground. -in news closer to home, i got a 5.5k run this evening, and it's supposed to be 32 degrees out tonight.
-today i will be in the middle east brokering peace talks. wish me well!
-yesterday, the couch tried to eat my palm-pilot. i was in a state of panic for several minutes. it snowed today, which sucks. deb got her hair done.
-i ran around the 0.6 mile block in my neighborhood 6 times, and it only took me 39 minutes! I'm a sure win for the frogger 5.5K!
 march  03.31.02 sunday: happy easter!
- drove to joanne's (my fantastic mother-in-law) and staged the easter egg hunt for the girls. by the afternoon, they were so jacked-up on chocolate it was frightening.
- tried running again, only got 1.2 miles. I don't know if i'm going to be able to finish the 3.4 mile run friday. i'll work on it this week. - not much else going on.
-no, i wasn't kidnapped by terrorists. my neighbor's dog didn't eat me. i wasn't killed by a suicide bomber. no, actually, things have been going along quit uneventfully. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -I STILL GOT IT! yesterday the rear driver's side window in my FORD TAURUS wouldn't roll back up when I rolled it down to let some quasi-spring air in. I had the switch (they're power windows) jumped out and cross-polinated within fifteen minutes of pulling into the driveway, and the window was back up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -The house in virginia has equity. I had it appraised, and it's worth more now then ever, and I'll re-finance and make a fortune as a real-estate tycoon. what kind of cigars should i start smoking?
-um, okay already, could we get a little heat up in here. jesus christ i've had enough sub-freezing weather already. damnit.
-it almost friggin' warmed up today. -yesterday, jason beat me in chess with a brilliant checkmate move. i feel stupid, yet awed. -today, bought twister for the girls, which they played with for fifteen minutes, then promptly became bored again.
-please, someone call the weather station and tell them that winter is over. it's snowing again, and colder than hell out. why did i ever move to this god-forsaken place?
- many of you have expressed your extream displeasure concerning the this web page's lack of content. We hear at danmanning.com have heard your complaints and concerns, and we're working diligently to find something interesting to put on this page. Unfortunatly, dan manning, who is the source of content for this page, since it is all about him, has recently began studying for certification, which means his life is just fucking boring as hell right now. There's really no way to "spice" it up any. He's definatly not living a music video, that's for damn sure. We'd just like you to know that yes, as soon as anything remotely interesting happens, you'll read about it here first, at danmanning.com the source for all your dan manning news needs.
- march madness is here again. yeah. - again i am studying for certification, which means i have joined the ranks of the undead, doomed to put my nose in a book for hours, while in the world of the living, people lead their lives.
- really, nothing happened. If it says nothing happened, you don't have to click the little plus sign, because nothing happened today. But aren't those little plus signs cool? And when you click them, they turn into little minus signs, which indicates that you can collapse it back down, which is really cool. I stole the little plus and minus signs off of Microsoft's website, so I gotta send a shout out to Billy G and my posse in Redmond. um, just kidding. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - i did study for my certification today, and worked with Alex on her reading. then i watched celebrity boxing, and that was better than i thought it would be. Again, nothing happened today. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - like that picture of me? that was taken in Ft. Lauderdale in 1992. we were on detachment down there. it was pretty fun. that's what you get staying up till two in the morning and getting up at six to go to work for twelve hours--every day for a week straight.
- and jesus christ on a bike, i'm out of shape.
- alex puked tonight, and she had spinich. that's gross. otherwise, not much is going on. again, i am writing the great american science fiction novell.
- all want is for there to be sharks with friggin' lasers on their heads. that's all.
- um, okay, enough "winter." i'm pretty much this close to getting cabin fever and axing my entire family. could we go ahead and get some spring up in here already?
- (sound of crickets)
- not much going on this week.
- alex has a fever, deb's working, i'm studying, just another tuesday.
- Tonight we used the Chimney Sweeping Log
- it was very cold today.
- yes, we do.
- spent the weekend doing things I hate: scraping wallpaper and shoveling snow. I'd like to thank the folks at Smirnoff for making it as bearable as possible. - oh yea, we went sledding. february
- . . . . I got the flu.
- savannah lost her first tooth last night. i wasn't the fairy, but somebody else was. i have no coffee money today.
- thus begins the torture that is microsoft certification. i've been through this already; abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
- i can honestly say that nothing interesting happened today.
- cookie in the fishbowl
- more wallpaper scraping - nine-iron still works - reading ender's game by orson scott card
- again, deb is forcing me to paint against my will. it always starts out "just tape the edges . . ." and spirals into an paint project that i am completely involved in. why can't she be as color-blind as i am?
- we're finally removing the foul, tacky, yellow and white checkerboard wallpaper that has haunted us since we've moved in. what took us so long? i don't know. we're hillbillies?
- i'm having a hard time coming up with anything interesting to put on this website, because my life is pretty dull. it's wednesday. it's february.
- woke up, went to work, came home, went to bookstore, returned home, went to sleep.
- savannah had her singing recital this evening. it was very nice. it was a nice program.
- bought a couch. this is a pretty boring activity, so I won't elaborate.(2108)
- i think my tax returns came back today.(0656)
- another week here and gone. had a good time at the hair of the frog with the guys from work. played some chess, some darts, and drank some beer. good times.  02.14.02 thursday: happy valentines day!
- valentines day: champagne, dozen roses, and none of your bee's-wax.
- also today: dad finally stepped into the computer age. remember dad: left click. left click. - PAID OFF THE VAN!
- i got like, nothing going on tonight!
- re-typed the cat story. worked on my book. it snowed weird out this evening.
- had to uninstall realplayer because it tried to take over my computer. jeez. - hooked up scanner!
- I got a new CD burner when I got the new hard-drive. No more floppy disks everywhere.
- spent yesterday and most of today screwing around with this damn computer.
- Thanks to the folks at Maxtor.com, and their inability to put the right jumper settings on the instructions, and my own monkey-like thinking patterns, I failed to figure out how to install the hard-drive untill like, forever. - my wife is fed up with me sitting in front of this damn thing, so I better stop geeking out for awhile.
- hard-drive crashed last night.
- moved danmanning.com to this laptop. - wrote these sentences. - going to buy new hard-drive for computer. There are defining moments that test a person's will to live, their bravery, and their ability to survive under terrible odds. These moments shake the very foundation of one's soul, and change lives forever. I lived the horror of one of those moments this very evening. Deb is working tonight. I don't know how I'm going to break it to her. Thank God the girls survived. It started like a regular evening. At the kitchen table, I helped Savannah address her valentines cards for school. The girls were watching television, The Wizard of Oz if I remember right. Then we heard something outside. In the dark, frigid night we heard a terrifying sound. It was the harbinger of what was to come. It was a cat fight. I threw on my coat, slipped on my boots, and went outside. It was clear and cold. I remember it as if it was . . this evening, which it was. I walked to the backyard. The only sound was the crunch of snow beneath my boots. Our yard is surrounded by dark trees, but by the light of the moon I saw the cat; whatever creature it had fought had fled into the night. I walked back around front, throught the garage, and opened the door. The cat followed me inside. When I got inside, I took off my coat and went to the cat, which was licking his paws. Was he hurt? Then my blood went cold when I got my first whiff of trouble: The cat smelled like SHIT! It was as if someone had tied a turd to the cat's collar. The smell wasn't some faint smell, but the strong smell of a whole pile of fresh, steaming shit. A chill came over me. At the moment I didn't realize the severity of the situation. At the moment, I was only faced with a stinky cat. How naive I was back then. I knew I couldn't let the cat roam around the house all night, spreading turd-gibblets and shit-smell all over the carpets and furniture, and God knows where else. I needed to think of something fast. I mulled over my options. I couldn't put the poor creature out for the night, it would freeze to death; Deb and the girls would be really pissed at me. I couldn't lock it up in the storage room, because he would get shit-smell everywhere. Then I felt the cold hands of fate gripping my throat: Try as I might, I could to no other conclusion, although every fiber of my being fought against it: I was going to be forced to give the cat a bath. For a full minute I panicked. The very thought that this might be true paralyzed me with fear. For a moment, I went mad as my mind reeled from the conclusions that it could not repel. Should I leave the girls at the neighbor's and flee the country? Shoot myself? Was there some emergency number I could call? Was there some government agency, like the Department of Shit-Smelling Cats? These wild thoughts filled my head as I reeled from the psychological shock. I was going to be forced to wash the cat! I've occasionally imagined bad things happening: violent crime, car accidents, terrorism. But I'd never imagined I'd face anything like this. Not this! Oh God in Heaven, not this! I considered just sending the girls to bed, closing all the bedroom doors, and going to sleep. Maybe the problem would go away. But I ruled this out at once. If I shirked my duty, I would literally wake up in a world of shit! And my family would be subjected to the smell because I couldn't deal with the situation. I knew what I had to do. I pulled myself together, and with a sudden resolve I grabbed some work gloves out of the garage, slipped them on, and crept up to the unsuspecting cat. I caught him by the scruff of the neck and carried him at arm's length into the bathroom, terrified at what was about to happen, and disgusted by the smothering waves of shit-smell that wafted off the cat. Unaware of what fate held for him,--for us--the cat was calm. He was calm until I ran the water in the bathtub. Lowering the offending animal into the water, it squirmed, squealing like a . . . well, like a cat that didn't want to take a bath. Claws scratching, teeth bare, eyes rolling back in its head, it tried to kill me as I poured water over it. It arched its back and contorted it's legs and body in impossible ways to scratch my forearms. The sound of the unbearable howl that poured from that poor creature could only have originated from the very depths of hell itself. Until this day, at that hour, I never believed that animals possessed souls, but now I will nver believe otherwise. I cannot describe what happened in those frantic minutes as I cleansed the animal of the fecal matter that had found its way into the cat's fur. I cannot describe the battle that was waged in that miniature porcelain coliseum, the soul-rending violence and animal ferocity that took place in this otherwise peaceful neighborhood. I can only tell you that I will take the terror and hatred with me to my grave, for until the day I die, I will live with what happened on this night. It is too much to bear. The shower curtains! Those poor innocent shower curtains! Did they have to pay the price for the terrible misfortune that befell us all on that terrible night? I thought I'd never untangle that damn cat from those curtains. It's over now. The house was mercifully spared the smell of shit. I have to put it behind me. I know that tomorrow brings day, a new beginning. For the first time in my life, I'm not sure if that sun will rise in the morning, because I've always known an unspoken truth in my heart: the day I have to wash a cat will be the day of Judgment, and on that day, the apocalypse will rain down upon us all. But whatever the future holds, if there is a future at all, I know that I will never be the same, and neither will that cat. Now the cat doesn't smell like shit, and although it has more natural, full bodied fur, enriched with important nutrients to help mend split ends, the cat will harbor the terrifying memories of the night he got a bath. They say that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. But I know I can never go back to the way I was before February 6th, 2002. I have seen things no man should ever see. --apologies to Edgar Allen Poe. |
